The law firm interviewed the women and asked them to name the reason that led to the divorce. Oddly enough, but betrayal is not in the first place. It turned out that love and relationships are killed by very obvious and simple things.
1. Various life goals
In the first place is the difference between plans and life goals. People easily agree on their personalities and sexual temperaments, but cannot find common ground. Two people see their future life differently. Housing and financial issues. Presence and number of children. Career and job choice. Plans for rest and pastime. Different life goals and lack of common interests often lead to the following reason for divorce.
2. Infidelity and betrayal
Often a third person interferes in the love of two people. This could be cheating on the part of a man or a woman. Sometimes both partners cheat on each other, gradually move away and break up. Sometimes it happens that a woman finds another man with whom she wants to connect her destiny. For some reason, he will be better than her ex in the woman's opinion. It could be appearance, financial well-being, or simply the newness of the relationship.
3. Constant quarrels
A couple may have problems that lead to constant quarrels, disagreements, conflicts and misunderstandings. There can be many reasons for quarrels. But in the modern world of capitalism, the main problem of relationships is money. 80% of problems happen due to insufficient finances. Constant quarrels make people unhappy and drive them apart.
In addition to these three reasons, women who get divorced complain about not enough sex, lack of intimacy, mistreatment and boredom.
You need to be able to not only start a relationship correctly, but also, if necessary, end it correctly, so as not to cause severe emotional trauma to your once loved one.
No, you won’t be able to leave your ex-other half completely painlessly, but you need to do this as delicately as possible. How to leave a girl, smoothing out sharp corners?
A girl will never forgive you if today you and she make joint plans for the future, sitting in the romantic setting of your favorite cafe, and tomorrow you point to the door (pack your things and leave). Try to avoid romantic get-togethers and other special situations, direct your relationship with her in a neutral direction. The girl herself will understand that the relationship is slowly but surely moving towards its end, and therefore the phrase “We need to break up” will be expected for her.
In parallel with maintaining neutral relations give the girl complete freedom of action - let her go to clubs, discos and so on, no limits. Perhaps, seeing that the relationship with you is not going so well, she will meet her one and only there. Then you will part quickly and relatively painlessly. Well, even if she doesn’t find anyone, at least she’ll have something to remember in the near future.
You can start behaving in a way that irritates the girl: constantly complaining about everyone and everything, being jealous, pestering her with constant messages on her phone and calls.. All in all, try to portray yourself as a phlegmatic person offended by life, boring and lacking initiative. It is quite possible that she will leave you on her own and will no longer suffer much without you.
Send a friend to clarify the situation or send her an SMS. Of course, after such an act, the girl will consider you a coward and a wimp, but this will certainly give rise to a discussion about you with her friends. And then it will definitely become easier for her.
If you finally decide to say that it’s time for you to leave, don't drag your feet, just tell it like it is. There is no need for long preludes; you need to get down to business as quickly as possible. You can start such a dialogue with a simple phrase: “We need to talk seriously, the matter is urgent.”
There is no need for any goodbye kisses, much less a last romantic dinner, sex, etc.. If you are about to break off the relationship, leave as soon as possible, immediately after a serious conversation, otherwise you will only make things worse.
She will not warn you in advance that on Friday the 13th she will pack her things and... How to recognize the signs of separation and her desire to leave you in time?
How can you determine that she wants to break up with you before she utters this sacramental phrase and proudly leaves in an unknown direction?
Statistics say that in 80% of cases, the initiators of your breakup are women, not the stronger sex. Don’t think that your couple has no reason to break up. According to a study on the nature of quarrels, it was found that the average couple quarrels 312 times a year, and this works out almost every day and for at least 10 minutes! You, of course, have already forgotten all the quarrels, and she?
She will not warn you in advance that on Friday the 13th she will pack her things and leave you in splendid isolation. No one will warn you: neither her friends, nor your intuition, which is clouded by love for her, no one. How to recognize the signs of separation and her desire to leave you in time?
If you know her plans, you will be able to strike preemptively and keep her close at the turning point; or leave her first, maintaining a sense of dignity; or at least have time to learn to do without her and get used to the idea of impending temporary loneliness.
1. Her friends become silent when you appear or feel awkward. The banter, jokes and friendly atmosphere have gradually evaporated, and you are again perceived as an outsider.
2. She communicates less with you, lingers in unknown places, doesn’t go to the movies, doesn’t laugh at shows on your couch, and avoids any time spent together.
3. She doesn’t tell her feelings, secrets, how she went shopping with her friends and other ridiculous stories. She shows emotions and feelings less and the spiritual relationship between you becomes weaker.
4. She has almost stopped calling you, does not answer phone calls or answers reluctantly, and never calls back. Her stupid love texts on her phone haven't been updated for a long time. Various suspicious individuals began to call her more often and write SMS.
6. Her things, if you live together, begin to disappear from their usual places and gather in small cosmetic bags, stacked and simply grouped.
7. Your meetings with mutual friends have stopped. They try to distance themselves from you, avoid communication and do not make joint plans for the coming weekend.
8. She doesn't seek intimacy, kisses and hugs less, and avoids sex. On walks, she doesn’t cling to your hand, tries not to touch you and almost doesn’t look you in the eyes.
9. She took new courses, classes, found a new hobby or started playing sports intensively, giving preference to those places where there are many male representatives.
10. She changed her hairstyle, radically changed her style, started wearing miniskirts and wearing makeup like crazy.
11. She has become irritable and reacts negatively to any action you take.
12. Her ex-boyfriends and various suitors became more active.
13. She began to behave like a real bad girl: hanging around clubs, hanging out with lonely girlfriends, disappearing into nowhere and giving a bunch of reasons for you to leave her. Sometimes it’s easier for the fair sex to force you to leave her than to say directly: “Sorry, dear, but we need to separate.”
In addition to obvious signs of a future separation, listen to your intuition; it rarely fails in such a situation. Determine in advance that they want to leave you and do everything to get her back, well, if it’s hopeless... Remember the song “Outside the Access Zone” by the group “City 312”: “At a distance of a shot, it’s pointless to count...” and don’t indulge yourself with illusions, and start sleeping with her friends, you have nothing else to lose, do you?
Instructions: how to get your girlfriend back. 5 steps.
What to do right now
So, your girlfriend left you. I stopped appreciating you and went looking for a better life. Her appraising gaze tells you that you are not the prince she dreamed of. It's disappointing because you don't seem to live up to her expectations.
Your goal is not to adapt to her expectations, but to occupy a significant position in her eyes. Now yours balance of significance broken. Even if some time ago you were a close couple, by her decision, now you are apart. Now she is free and you have no right to demand love and attention from her. To get her back, you need to rebuild the relationship and make her fall in love with you.
There is one general rule, which you must remember.
Never talk about a relationship if you don't have one
This text is for those who have already cried and pulled themselves together. If you constantly lose self-control, you need to regain it first.
Each of the 5 steps is part of a balanced strategy. Here she is:
Disappear - -> Change - -> Appear - -> Seduce - -> Rebuild the relationship
Disappear
60% of situations are solved by total ignore.
You can object: “She will forget me and find someone else!” This is a typical fear, especially if the girl is beautiful. At first, ignoring only means that you stop writing and calling her every hour. After a day or two she begins to notice it. And if before this you were extremely annoying, she will begin to feel a lack of communication.
Admit it, you're not in the best shape right now. Your nerves are shattered, your pride is wounded, you look like a puppy thrown out into the street in the middle of winter. It takes time to regain human form.
Stop looking for connections with her and immediately move on to the second point.
Change
She is no longer yours. The right to meet must be earned. Therefore, the period of transformation is the most important. We need to change. And not in words, but in deeds.
Sometimes they ask me: “Can I pretend?” It is possible, but you will have to spend as much effort as with real changes, but these efforts are useless. Sooner or later the deception will be revealed. Playing all the time is stupid.
For many, change means changing clothes. But even if you grow a beard and get a cool tattoo, it won’t mean that you have changed in the way you should have.
The girl leaves for specific reasons. This is usually associated with one of five unattractive qualities for her:
If you recognize yourself in them, draw your own conclusions. It is much easier to leave a guy who exhibits such qualities.
There are more attractive qualities - about 20. And these are the qualities that you need to develop in yourself. Choose at least three of them that you are not good at and start changing.
There are 2 ways to change:
If you were jealous, now just don’t ask her where and with whom she spent time, be calmer. I was fixated on work - now listen carefully to what the girl is talking about. Do you want to become more self-sufficient: the very tone of future correspondence can clearly show this.
Tell stories from your life in which you showed yourself differently than before. Don't get carried away with bragging, you just need to mention it in passing. He was irresponsible, unreliable - in between, tell me that he promised to hang a shelf for mom and did. Was hyper-obsessive - tell me how fun you had with your friends. You worked nights and days - tell us how you turned off Wi-Fi over the weekend and spent time in nature.
Of course, one small change is not enough. The change plan should be ambitious and thought out in advance for a week or month in advance.
Here is an example of an action plan I create with a client.
Or: Look at how detailed a change plan needs to be.
Set clear goals for yourself and record the results.
There must be a really measurable criterion that you are changing.
You should see the result: 2 weeks ago you thought about her every minute, called her 4 times a day and sobbed into your pillow, but now you don’t cry and can spend time without her and enjoy it.
When she left, you were unreliable, constantly forgot your promises and never managed to get work done on time, and now you have taken on responsibility: helping the family, not making promises if you are not ready to keep them, and trying to do everything on time.
Deadline for changes and ignoring
You need to get in touch no later than 2 weeks later. If at least one communication channel remains, then you need to use it.
To appear
Write - -> Call - -> Meet
Remember: You only have three attempts to return. Appreciate them.
1. Wrote - > she is silent or communication is not being built - > the first attempt failed.
2. I called -> she didn’t answer or the communication went poorly -> the second attempt also failed.
3. Invited to a meeting - > she refused or the meeting went poorly - > all three attempts failed.
Many people think that you need to write and call until the girl returns. I called once - I'll call 100 more times. People don't understand that they have a limited number of attempts to return. When I talk about this, a person begins to value his actions and weigh his every word.
Three tries is the rule. This means that you need to forget about the girl and move on with your life if she doesn’t want to communicate with you. Continuing to impose your communication on her will only make things worse.
- -> Write
One of the tasks when returning is to fall in love with yourself again.
Start the correspondence with the news and the counter question “how are you doing?” The news should be upbeat and evoke emotions. People usually have a dull life, so they are always happy to “feed” on other people’s emotions and listen to something exciting. It's attractive. In addition, the girl expects you to write as before, how bad you feel without her. And cheerful news speaks of changes at least in your thinking.
You don't need to answer her right away. Wait a couple of minutes first, then an hour, then more. It's normal to not respond to messages right away. You are a free man. You may be busy at work or traveling in public transport. There is no need to make excuses.
Chat and pause the dialogue for a day based on her response. It's better if it's her question. This will create a communication gap. This is called a "deferred replica". If she starts texting or calling again, there is no need to answer. Create suspense.
Your text should be less than hers. This is a subtle mechanism for controlling the balance of importance. If a girl responds to your news briefly and without interest, you need to end the conversation quickly, without saying goodbye, and switch to other methods of communication. I'll have to disappear again for a week and then call her.
The correspondence should last until you are ready for the first call.
- -> Call
Each stage brings you one small step closer to the girl.
The first call should grab the girl's attention. She needs to talk to you as if you were an interesting person, so the call needs to be prepared very carefully - like a presentation to an important client. Tell her about a cool event that happened to you recently. This story must be carefully rehearsed. “Test” it on another girl and see what reaction it evokes and what questions the girl can ask in response. A good story evokes emotions: laughter, delight, surprise. If the girl tester does not react to it in any way, it means the story is bad or you are telling it poorly. It doesn't matter how much you have to rehearse. Imagine that this call is the only thing you have to get her back. If you fail it, it will be difficult further.
Work out the reason for the call. If you don’t want to feel the silent question “why are you telling me all this?”, then you need to explain your call. If you can’t think of anything, just say: “I decided to call you, I don’t know why. We haven't talked for a long time. How are you doing?". Your story should not resemble a call from a call center.
Never talk about a relationship if you don't have one
If she listens and asks questions, that means you're on the right way. Interest is returning. If not, tell her that you were pleased to hear her voice. This will relax her. She won't feel like you want anything from her. You just called to chat and see how she was doing. Goodbye!
The second call should restore her trust in you. If you prepared a story on the first call, now you are ready to listen to all her thoughts and everything that is important to her. How is your mom? Like Dad? How are your studies? The first call is a test call. It shows that you don’t demand anything and are quite adequate. It should relieve tension. The second and third call brings you closer. Therefore, increase the call time. Each stage brings you one small step closer to the girl. Move very carefully towards your target so as not to scare it away. The worst thing is to put pressure: set conditions, bargain. But you need to fall in love again and conquer her again. We need to communicate like free people.
The fourth call is needed to invite her to a meeting. Find a reason. Invite her to an exhibition, a concert or to a friend’s birthday. It's better than inviting you to a restaurant. “I'm going ___. Let's go together!" - this should be the message. This is a non-binding meeting from which she knows what to expect: something interesting. You are just going to spend time together, not to sort things out. She must understand this.
- -> Meet
Don't rush into battle right away. You need to break up the resistance.
At the meeting, you must make her fall in love with you again. Tell a new rehearsed story. Show how you have changed. Remember: she’s not yours now, which means you don’t need to act like you’re possessive or needy. Be self-sufficient: you are dating to spend time together and nothing more. Don't put pressure on her.
At the second meeting, you can begin kinesthetics. Touch her as if you were getting intimate for the first time. If she doesn't mind, you can kiss her. Don't rush to drag her to bed again. Keep calm. Draw the line: break the kiss yourself and say goodbye. Don't wait for her to tell you that she's not ready yet. If she is not ready for kinesthetics, put it off for next time.
On the third date, you can be more active. If she allowed herself to be kissed last time, then she has already become noticeably closer. You can move on to seduction and build relationships again.
Seduce
You were already lovers. Most likely, you know what to do next.
Rebuild relationships
To prevent a girl from leaving the relationship again, you need to ensure that the reasons for separation do not arise again. Once she's gone, it's too late to make a fuss, so it's better to prevent problems in advance.
Why do people break up?
You can read more about what this means in other materials. (links)
We discussed the main steps that need to be taken to return a cold girl: Disappear - -> Change - -> Appear - -> Seduce - -> Build the relationship again.
As you have already noticed, the main thing in this path is your transformation and patience. She doesn't want to go back to where she left - no problem. You're not trying to bring back the past. You disappear only to appear again, and in the future everything will be different. Calculate when approximately this will happen and don’t try to rush things. Direct your vector to the future. A couple of weeks - ignore and change. Another couple of weeks for correspondence and calls, and only a month later - a meeting. Be patient! You have a chance to change, and this is no less important than getting the girl back.
Instructions
Perceive the breakup not as a tragedy, but as a new beginning - this will help you bear it easier.
Don't repeat the mistake most people make - your breakup shouldn't be an event full of negativity.
If your relationship has been on the brink for a long time, and a slight push is enough for it to end, think about whether it is possible to turn it into a relationship, ending it non-conflict and gently.
The main thing you need to understand is do not try to hide from the girl that your feelings have begun to fade. The best way let her understand this - talk to her calmly and honestly, without mutual claims and reproaches.
Thinking about how to quit woman, you need to choose the option that will cause her as little pain as possible. There are several separation methods designed for different women, so when choosing, you need to focus, first of all, on the characteristics of her character.
Instructions
Straight Talk. This method is suitable for people who do not have any particular complaints against each other and who can solve their problems through negotiations. Just tell her that you are not happy with your relationship and you don't think things will work out with her. At the same time, remember that in such a conversation, in any case, the woman’s self-esteem suffers. Try to spare him. Imagine that you are breaking up because she is too good for you. For example - “You are too active for me. I’m sure you’ll soon get bored with me.”
There are rare cases when a girl herself tries to achieve an intimate relationship. She behaves very frankly and makes all sorts of hints. It’s better not to have a sexual relationship with her if you don’t plan to be around her after that, remember that “there’s only free cheese in a mousetrap.”
Never forget that in any situation you should look decent. Even if a girl is very intrusive, do not say obscene words to her and do not raise your voice at her.
When a girl herself offers a guy her candidacy for the role of his beloved, her excitement simply goes off scale. By rudely refusing her, you can forever lower her self-esteem. Instead of outright refusal, it is better to lie. Say that you are not yet ready for a serious relationship or that your heart, unfortunately, already belongs to someone else. Be sure to tell her: “I’m sorry, this happened, I’m very sorry.” She will still be hurt and offended, but not so much.
Don't put off the conversation until later. You need to immediately explain the current situation to her, otherwise even in a short period she may believe that a relationship between you is possible, after which it will be even more difficult for her to understand that this is not so.
Be extremely serious during the conversation. Look her straight in the eye so she can trust you. Finally, give her a compliment. Say something nice, such as, “It’s very nice to know that beautiful girl drew attention to" or "Believe me, not every girl dares to say that."
If you need to break up with your girlfriend, it’s unlikely that everything will turn out that simple. It is much more difficult to break off a relationship that has developed even for a short time than one that has not started at all. In this case, you will really have to tell only the truth. Be sincere, your ex needs to know why you can't be together.
The main thing is to remain a man in any situation. Set your priorities and be only with those for whom you have real feelings.
Many people consider arrogance to be a completely positive quality and begin to use it in almost all areas, including in personal relationships. The famous expression says “you can’t be nice by force.” However, some young people are confident that they are quite capable of breaking this stereotype. And probably every girl has at least once encountered a man who, forgetting about the rules of politeness and etiquette, tries to make acquaintance in a boorish manner, not paying attention to the girl’s refusals. What should a girl do in this situation in order to get rid of an arrogant guy?
Instructions
As a rule, such guys find their victims in public places, such as shopping mall, park and so on. In such places there are quite large crowds of people. Therefore, if you cannot get rid of the company of an arrogant guy, try to simply blend in with the crowd. If this doesn’t help and things are really bad, try asking others for help, saying that an unknown guy has contacted you and wants something from you. If you don’t want to involve strangers in this situation, you can assume that if he doesn’t leave you alone, you’ll scream all over the street. You may even begin to make your threat come true. In this case, the guy will most likely take you for crazy and leave. However, you will still achieve your goal, and he will leave you alone.
Some young people go beyond simple conversation and touch. Of course, in response to letting go of your hands, you can use force and use your fists. However, there is no guarantee that this will stop the man. After all, he may become even more aggressive and try to injure you. Therefore, if the impudent person opens his hands, you should quickly move away from him and warn him in a confident tone that you will now turn to law enforcement for help. In addition, you can again threaten him that you will start screaming.
If you don’t want to get involved with an arrogant guy at all and get into some kind of argument and swear with him, then as soon as he approaches you, immediately pick up the phone. Start by pretending to dial a number and then pretending to be talking to someone. For example, “Hi, Sash. Please come here, some guy is close to me and is not far behind.” Or you can not pretend, but actually call someone you know. As a rule, this method is effective and efficient. But remember that there are also young people who will not be deterred by this at all, and then you will have to come up with something else.
Sometimes the best way to get rid of the company of such a man is to simply not pay attention to him. For example, he met you on the street, caught up with you and walks next to you. Just put on your headphones, call a friend, and so on. In general, do everything to show him that he does not exist for you. Eventually, he will get tired of not being paid attention to and will leave behind.
After making the final decision to break up with a girl, you need to behave like a man and not be led by momentary emotions and thoughts. Of course, in some cases the situation that caused the decision to separate is of great importance.
However, you cannot act rashly, so you first need to balance your internal state, and then you need to make an appointment with the girl.
Breaking up with a girl via SMS or email looks cowardly and stupid. Only in exceptional cases is it permissible to inform the girl about the decision over the phone. Also, the simplest and most popular way to end a relationship with a girl is to disappear from her sight. The young man stops answering messages and calls and openly avoids meetings.
Such relationships will, of course, end over time. However, it is worth thinking about the feelings of the other person. The girl will worry and wonder what caused this reaction. Most likely, she deserves to be treated with respect and at least an explanation.
Another thing is that it is not necessary to tell the girl the real reason for the breakup if it can hurt her. For example, in the case when a guy met another girl and...
If the guy who decided to end the relationship with the girl is not against further joint friendly communication, then a letter is possible. This option of parting will be very beautiful and romantic.
The best option for a guy to inform a girl about his decision would be an invitation to a cafe, where they can discuss the problem in a calm atmosphere.
In all cases, when informing a girl about a breakup in any way, you must be tactful but persistent. We need to thank the girl for her time. Note her pleasant qualities, sweet actions, time spent in general.
Special attention should be paid to the moment of further feelings of guilt and worries of the girl. It is known that emotionality and impressionability in the female sex are quite developed. Therefore, in order for the girl not to torment herself with questions and doubts on the topic: “What’s wrong with me?”, “Why didn’t I suit him?”, “Why did he leave me?” and others, it is recommended to refer to the dissimilarity of characters.
You should also refrain from criticism and mutual reproaches, because such a separation will turn the parties into enemies. It is imperative to convince the girl that she will soon meet a worthy and suitable young man.
You should avoid false hopes and promises. After saying goodbye to a girl, you should not waste her time on useless expectations. Such behavior will be dignified and masculine.
