We were both witnesses at a friend's wedding. They introduced us a few days before the celebration. Everyone gathered at the dacha, Misha came with a guitar, and when he started singing, I fell in love. In general, he was a military man, and music is his hobby. He had an amazing voice - I think I fell in love with him. Misha immediately began to look after me. If he gave flowers, then in buckets, if he did something, then always to the maximum. He was a man of wide soul. We quickly realized that we were made for each other, and literally a month later he proposed to me.
I worked in a hotel, I often had night shifts, so he insisted that I quit my job. But to be honest, I got bored with the work myself. A year after the wedding, our eldest son Grigory was born, and a year and 10 months later, our daughter Polina was born. They are now 10 and 8 years old.
We have always dreamed of a big family. Our marriage was real: once and for life. We were made for each other and wanted to die on the same day. True, Misha always said that he would die earlier, but he did not warn that so much. I have had an image of an ideal family in my head since childhood. And then all my ideas about life were destroyed at once.
It happened four years ago, after seven years of relationship. He was killed in Ukraine. He went there as a volunteer from the veterans' fund - he was carrying humanitarian cargo to an orphanage in the Lugansk region. But I didn’t know about it: so that I wouldn’t worry, he said that he would accompany the cars only to Rostov. He warned that he would return in three days, but in some places there may be no connection. Since he was a military man, I got used to it, tried not to think about the bad. I was waiting for him on Friday, invited guests to our house. On Wednesday, I wrote to him to clarify whether he would definitely be able to be on time, and he confirmed. This was our last conversation. Misha did not get in touch anymore.
On the night from Friday to Saturday, at about three in the morning, I woke up as if in an unconscious state.
I lay and cried, because I realized: he died. Then I reassured myself, I decided that these were some crazy thoughts, this simply cannot be.
On Saturday we were supposed to go to a friend's christening, so I pushed all the bad thoughts away and started getting ready. Mishin's best friend Kolya called me and offered me a ride. I put on a smart dress and did my hair. Kolya came in with his wife, she was in a tracksuit - I was a little surprised why she was not dressed yet. And then they told me that Misha was gone. I remember my cry at that moment. It will never get out of my head, all the neighbors heard how inhumanly I screamed. I was offered to take pills, but I refused: I wanted to understand what was happening. And I constantly repeated: “Kol, I knew. I knew it would happen."
It turned out that this happened on Thursday. They wrote in the news that there was an attempt on the mayor of Pervomaisk, a city in the Luhansk region. There were four guys in the car, including my husband, and the mayor - they were all unarmed and unguarded. They were driving through neutral territory, but they were attacked by everyone. Then they told me that the body was found near the car, Misha tried to escape.
I called my parents, and they said that they would arrive from Nalchik on the next flight. The children were at Misha's mother's dacha. That evening, I called my hairdresser and asked him to come and dye me black. At that time I was blonde with long hair. I just felt like I had to do it. She dropped everything, came at night and dyed me brunette. I remember how the neighbors came to support me and did not understand what was happening at all. They thought I was crazy: her husband died, and she dyes her hair. It was only later that I realized that this was my form of mourning. I was born and raised in Kabardino-Balkaria, and there, if someone died, everyone dressed in mourning and wore black for at least 40 days. In Moscow, this is not accepted at all, so when I went with a bandage, people looked askance at me, I felt uncomfortable. When I first saw my husband in a coffin, he didn't look like himself at all. I looked, sobbed, but inside there was a hope that this was all a big mistake and he would return.
We were able to bury Misha only on the ninth day. For a very long time it was not possible to bring the body because of some problems with the documents. But my husband was a special person, he had many friends, thanks to them we succeeded. They told me later at the cemetery that they would always help with the children and would never leave me.
At first, there was only anger and resentment inside me. I blamed people, countries, governments. But at some point I realized that these conflicts had nothing to do with my personal grief, and I closed this topic forever.
© From the personal archive
At that time, the son was six, and the daughter was four. I decided that they were too small to take them to the cemetery, and I never regretted it. I still have before my eyes his face, which is completely different from him. I looked at the photos for a long time to get this picture out of my head and remember him the way he was. And even more so, the children did not need to see dad in this form. I told them about a week later, when it was no longer possible to hide. They constantly asked when dad would finally return. It was very hard to tell them: I understand that I am grateful to him for his love for me, I am grateful to fate that he was in my life. But how to explain this to children is not clear. They are still crying and bored. Especially the daughter, she often says: "Mommy, I want to go to my dad."
Immediately after I told them, we went to the cemetery. I explained that there are different situations in life: sometimes dad leaves the family, and sometimes children are born without a dad. And they will have the strongest guardian angel all their lives. He will always protect them, and everything will be fine.
The first year we constantly went for a walk to the cemetery on weekends. Everyone went to the park, and we went to the cemetery, but for us it was very important.
The most important thing is not to deny children's feelings. We talk about dad all the time so we don't lose our memories. I prepared individual memory albums for the children with their joint photos with their dad. The son is very similar to Misha. I constantly recognize my husband in the actions of my son and in facial expressions.
The first time was unbearable. I read Pushkin's "Winter Evening" to myself as soon as I began to think about what I no longer had the strength to think about. She constantly repeated: “A storm covers the sky with darkness ...” Prayers help some, but for me it was poetry.
Almost immediately after the funeral, we flew to Egypt with a friend and children. We hardly talked about death. There I realized that life goes on. And the children laughed and had fun. There is even a phenomenon in psychology when you go on trips to survive the pain. Then I went to yoga, it also helped me a lot.
The most important question was before me: how to continue to live. There was no money, we had just paid off our debts for an apartment. And there were no reserves left. I didn’t work anywhere, at that moment I was just starting to develop a business - a personal clothing brand. In December we opened a corner, and in January Misha died. Initially, it was not for money, but just a hobby, because I was tired of just taking care of children.
By the time of death, we paid off all the costs of the project, but it was not yet self-supporting. Then it was very scary. It seemed to me that I could survive anything if he was near. But without him, life would have no meaning. I didn't understand how you could live with it. They told me: "Olya, you must live for the sake of the children." How can I live for children without a husband? It didn't fit in my head at all. It’s good that my husband’s friends were nearby, who helped us financially as well. And they still help.
Then I started talking to a girl whose husband was in the same car. Our thoughts and feelings converged so much - it seemed to me that no one else understands me except her. We were perfect for each other.
Last year I played Cinderella in a children's play. Then I was still a brunette, but I decided that Cinderella with dark hair was somehow wrong. Everyone thought I changed my hair for the role. In fact, at that moment, I allowed myself to remove the mourning and stop suffering. I realized that I can change my life, I can be happy again.
One day I got a call from a friend whose husband had died. I heard her confused voice, it reminded me of my condition. Her main question was whether she could live on. Then history repeated itself over and over again. Everyone wanted to know if they could handle this pain in a broken heart, if they could live with it, if they could smile again. Then I thought about creating my own blog. I realized that no one writes or talks about it. We are left alone with our misfortune. I was lucky, I had a lot of support, but someone does not have it at all.
In society, it is believed that a widow has neither the right to sorrow nor the right to happiness. We can’t be happy either, because many people have an attitude in their heads: if I think about other men, it will be a betrayal of my husband. At the same time, we do not have the right to just sit - for several days, weeks, months - and grieve. Everyone immediately hangs a responsibility on a woman: she needs to run to work, feed her family, raise children.
For example, there are many questions with documents. A lawyer and I are currently developing a checklist, thanks to which a woman could understand how she can receive benefits. For example, I issued a certificate of the widow of a war veteran, and I am also entitled to part of the benefits - I did not know anything about this before. There are a lot of problems with the inheritance, because in the first line of heirs there are not only the wife and children, but also the husband's parents. On this basis, conflicts often arise, and women simply do not understand how to behave.
© From the personal archive
It is also very hard for those close to you to look at you, to experience your grief. And they never know how to help. I was sometimes told such crazy words that it was impossible to listen. I just buried my husband, and they say to me: “Ol, don’t worry, you will get married again, you are young and beautiful.” My six-year-old son was told that he was now the only man in the family, his mother's main support. How can you say that to a child who has just lost his father? I threw tantrums at these advisers. He is a child and should remain a child. Although he has really matured a lot during this time - many notice that he talks like a person older than his years.
I was also advised to live for the sake of children. This is wrong, children suffer when their mother scores on herself and lives for them. Perhaps in the first stage it helps to stop grieving, but this is not so good. The woman needs to burn. Then I talked to a psychologist, and she told me that I didn't cry. I didn’t give myself time to lie down and cry, to live and survive it all. After all, we think: “No, there is no need to cry, we have children, we must live on for the sake of children.”
Society forces us not to cry: you have to continue a normal life, raise children, meet friends, pretend that you are strong and not at all sad. Because of this, many get stuck on this mountain and cannot climb out.
But if a woman wants her children to be happy, she must be happy. A sad mother with sad eyes is a misfortune for children.
I want to tell women how to accept grief and how to properly recognize it. I want to convey that you need to live for today. Now I am truly happier and more cheerful than ever. I realized that I should now begin to fulfill all my dreams and do what I had in mind. And I teach this to my children. Now we travel a lot, I play in the children's theater, I started going to dances.
Of course this blog- For women who have lost their husbands. But globally, I want to convey to everyone that they love life and appreciate what they have. I want women to be bolder. If they want to go for strip plastic, there is no need to be shy about it. For example, I went because I needed to throw out somewhere my sexuality, which was inside. Nobody talks about this either.
A piece of my heart remained scorched, this pain is with me forever. I always miss him. It is impossible to survive this to the end, but I was able to return to normal life. I have no resentment and anger, only a feeling of gratitude. I no longer ask why this happened to me. Everything that I have now is thanks to the fact that I had it. But by the way, I still cannot call myself a widow, this word jars me. I would like the status of a widow to cease to arouse sympathy and frighten our society. As soon as I tell new acquaintances that my husband has died, for some reason everyone thinks that I will start telling them sad stories from my life. I want women who find themselves in the same situation as me to know that there is also a place for joy in the “after” life. Therefore, the blog is called "No Tears".
I sold my business at the end of last year, all this time we lived on the money from sales. Now I am looking for a new job. But everything is complicated by the fact that the children really need me - I have no assistants, and I cannot yet go to work with a standard schedule.
I probably already want a new relationship. But this requires a certain degree of readiness not only for me, but also for children. My daughter thinks the "new dad" is a betrayal. She once asked: “Mom, if you love someone, will it mean that you stopped loving dad?” So now I try to talk with children on this topic. I want to be a happy woman who loves and is loved.
Alexander Yakovlev, 38 years old, father of three children:
My wife died suddenly. I was driving my car and got into an accident. All passengers died on the spot: Valentina, two adult children and a grandson. The dead children were not related to me by blood, but we were a family, I perceived them as my children. And the grandson too. The loss is so great that two years after this date, which divided my life into "before" and "after", the wound has not healed.
We got married 14 years ago. Valentina was older than me, her first husband died. She was left alone with two children. Not everyone approved of our marriage, some well-wishers tried to dissuade me: “Why do you need this burden?” I did not listen to such advice and did not regret it: we lived in harmony for 12 years. Valentina worked as a teacher, she was at work all day, so I managed the household chores. They envied the wife, they said: “You are not a man, but you got gold.” But I don't see anything special about it.
Life is easier in a large family than in a small one. All holidays are fun and friendly. It was a special time, the children prepared in advance: they learned poems and songs, prepared gifts, and came up with contests. Now we continue all the same: we celebrate birthdays, Christmas, New Year. We hold contests, decorate the room with balloons. We just miss our family.
On weekdays, our house was also bustling with life. Our friends and youth were drawn to us. Every day we had an open day - not a day went by that someone did not come to us. My wife and I never refused to help anyone. They left their problems and went to help other people.
It didn’t matter to me who was born first: a son or a daughter. Your child is precious. The first son Nikita was born, three years later - Ulyana, three years later - the youngest Nadyushka. While the family was complete, everyone was helped, the doors were open for all fellow villagers. When the four of us were left, there was no longer enough time, friends and neighbors rarely come.
I am happy to do housework - everything is for children. I am a chef by profession and love to cook.
We have two cows, I make cottage cheese, sour cream, cheeses myself. For the winter of one compote I twist 90 cans.
In addition to traditional drinks from strawberries, raspberries, gooseberries, I make Fanta: compote of apricots, lemon and orange. His children are especially fond of. The kids are happy to help cook. Nikita is baking pancakes. If I have no time, he will cook porridge, fry eggs. He dreams of becoming a chef. The girls do not cook on their own yet: we cook pies and buns together.
Our business is not so big now. Previously, there were horses, and turkeys, and guinea fowl. In addition to cows, we keep chickens, ducks, piglets, rabbits. Care requires strength, and feed requires money. My back hurts, I try not to overwork it so that I have the strength to raise children. The garden, too, is now planted not completely - we can not cope. Previously, there were more than 20 acres of one potato, now all plantings occupy ten acres. I plant what the kids love: cucumbers, tomatoes. A lot of their own strawberries - for the winter they boiled 20 liters of jam, froze 30 liters, spun 15 cans of compote, and ate fresh to their heart's content. Our Nadya is "berry". Just distracted, I look, and she is sitting in a strawberry. Like a thrush jumping through the bushes. She jumps and pretends she wasn't there.
We have a freezer, and I freeze a little bit of berries for the winter so that there are enough vitamins for the whole winter. The house has stove heating, for the winter we buy 3 tons of coal and 3 carts of firewood. The house is not very warm, but we are repairing it on our own if possible: this year we have sheathed it with insulation. You don’t have to carry water on your own - they installed plumbing.
Household expenses are high: buy groceries, hay and fuel. And put it on the children's current accounts - if I do not provide for the children, no one will help them. In addition to pensions, I receive a child allowance for children - 1,400 rubles a month. I can’t get a job yet: I need to manage the household, take my youngest daughter to school - transfer across the railway, cook, wash, stroke. I earn money by selling milk, sour cream, cottage cheese, cheese. In the morning, while the children are at school, I take food to the district center - the city of Bolotnoye, where I have regular customers.
In the afternoon, it’s impossible for everyone to get together at the table, but we definitely have dinner with the whole family - this is a tradition. So it was under Valentine, and so it remains. In the evenings Ulyana knits, Nadya draws. Children have different personalities. Nikita is quick-tempered, but moves away quickly. Ulyana is shy, silent. Nadyusha is compassionate, sympathetic.
All children are at home, they do not want to run away into the street, they are happy to stay at home. One day, a friend invited Nikita to a birthday party. The son did not stay long at a party: he drank tea, ate a cake and was going home. He was asked to stay, offered to call his parents and warn him. But Nikita did not agree.
“I need to go home and milk the goat,” he explained.
Nikita and Hope
The friend's parents were surprised. Nikita is younger than their son, and already knows how to milk a goat. My son knows how to milk cows, he replaces me when necessary.
Children need an approach. A boy is to be brought up in strictness so that he grows up as a man. He has an army ahead of him. I myself was in the army and I understand how hard it will be for my son if he is brought up on tenderness. If he got into a fight, I'm not going to deal with it. He must be able to take care of himself. Girls need tenderness and affection.
Children understand that it is hard for me, and they try not to bother me. They do their homework, wash the dishes, clean the house, weed the beds. Ulyana is in the fifth grade, she looks after both the second grader Nadezhda and the eighth grader Nikita. Like a true woman, she makes sure that her older brother walks neatly. She prepares clothes for her younger sister, makes sure that she changes clothes and carefully hangs her uniform dress - the younger sister can get carried away and walk around the house in uniform, take the cat in her arms.
There are quarrels between children, but they try not to show me. They quarrel, quickly make peace, and as if nothing had happened. When I ask, they answer: “We are fine.” I constantly explain to Nikita that he must stand up for the sisters, except for him no one will stand up for them.
I don’t know how it is in other families, but everything is done in harmony with us. There are no problems with education. Until the children finish their household chores, they do not approach the TV. You don’t have to follow them, control them - everyone understands themselves. In their free time they do whatever they want. We used to have a close family. Grief brought us even closer and united. It is very difficult to go through this, and you would not wish this on anyone.
I learned a variety of work in my parents' house. Mom cross stitched. I got curious, tried it and learned. Aunt spun wool, I went to visit and watch. My older sister taught me to knit mittens and socks. I spin, knit, sew. I teach these sciences to my daughters. I think everything in life is useful. There are no extra skills.
The family in which I grew up was large: parents and seven children. I am fifth. My sister and I are similar: compassionate, we want to help everyone.
Our house is located next to the federal highway, and more than once it happened when strangers knocked on the house and asked for help. Everyone tried to warm and feed.
Once six-year-old children asked for food, we called the police and kept them by all means until the police arrived.
My skills are the upbringing of parents, what was invested in me, then it turned out. Therefore, I try to raise children the way my mother raised them. She never cursed, tried to explain everything. Once she taught me to fold a dung bed for cucumbers. Once I tried - not so, the second time it did not work out - I showed it again. I showed it several times until I understood. I follow her example. The girls didn’t manage to wash the dishes cleanly - I won’t reprimand them that they didn’t wash it well. I'd rather show you how to do it, or I'll do it myself. Wash better next time.
Guardians have no questions for me - they know what kind of person I am. We participated with the whole family in various events, traveled from the Palace of Culture to concerts, were local stars. In addition, I am a deputy of the Yegorov administration.
Yakovlevs. Alexander, Nikita, Uliana, Nadezhda
I don’t think about marriage - not much time has passed since the death of my wife. It’s hard for me, and everything around reminds me: how we lived, how we loved each other. It can't go fast. In addition, you need to find not only a soul mate for yourself, but also a mother for children. I don't want them to feel bad. There are many cases on TV when parents offend adopted children and beat them.
Life goes on. Some people thought grief would break me. Some even gloated, expecting that I would get drunk and my children would be taken away from me. But I set myself the goal of putting the children on their feet. I upset those who thought I was drunk. I rose to spite everyone. The kids got me up. My goal in life is children.
It's hard to watch when the family fights, fights, gets divorced. They do not understand the value of a spouse and how hard it is when the other half passes away. We must love and appreciate each other. This is life and there is only one. I wish everyone in this world only happiness.
Andrey Iost, 46 years old, father of four children:
His wife Natalya fell ill with cancer, and after the birth of her daughter, nine months later, she was gone. During pregnancy, doctors warned and even said in plain text: choose, either the child or you. I think that she acted wisely - she gave life to a child.
I had to leave work. It was necessary to take care of her daughter - Veronica was then nine months old. The older children Maxim and Katya quickly learned to be independent: they washed the dishes, looked after their sister.
I had no time to sag - the children were in my arms. Like it or not, you had to keep up.
During the life of his wife, he could not find his shirt in the closet or children's things. It's like all families. There are a lot of questions for mom, one for dad: “Where is mom?” Now I know everything: on which shelf, in which cabinet what lies. I began to understand what it means to stay at home and look after children. Manufacturing is easier. Housework is rather big, but no one notices it. And when he didn’t have time to get out, then everyone immediately sees.
Maxim is not my own son - Natalya was a single mother. Shortly before leaving, my wife called a lawyer and confirmed that I was the father of the child. I accepted paternity. Therefore, I had no problems with adoption. The guardianship authorities, not knowing our circumstances, offered assistance in paperwork, but it was not needed. It couldn't be otherwise. Maxim is a member of our family and was supposed to stay with us. He has had health problems since childhood - cerebral palsy, it is difficult for him to walk. Due to limited opportunities, a protective reaction is triggered in him - he can react nervously, flare up. But quickly departs. He is not naughty and smart. At the age of 14, he thinks beyond his age as an adult.
Our school is nearby - a two-minute walk, but Maxim needs seven to ten minutes. In primary school, everything was fine, he studied on the same floor - on the first. From the fifth grade, running around the floors began. This gave a complication to the legs. I had to transfer to individual training. After the operation, he was transferred to home schooling. Another one is coming soon - the fourth one. I hope that the upcoming operation will have a greater effect than the previous ones, because he has begun to take care of himself.
Maxim has complexes: everyone walks, runs, but he moves slowly. Thanks to the help of the school and charity events, we bought a treadmill with the slowest speed for him, and he began to work out his legs. I support him in training, I say: “The girl needs to be carried in her arms, but you can’t keep yourself on your feet!” Maxim is engaged 5-6 times a day, and there are already good results: he slouches less, his back straightens, and confidence has appeared.
When his wife died, he had to leave her parents' apartment. They didn't have their own place, they lived in a rented apartment. Once I heard that the governor is receiving parents of children with disabilities, listens to them, helps. I made an appointment. At the meeting, he said that it was possible to make a parapet in our entrance or put other equipment. But for what? We live in a rented apartment. We can be asked to leave at any time. If they helped us with housing, it would be help.
Some time later I received a letter. It was reported that money was allocated for the purchase of housing. Just at this time, the real estate market stagnated, and prices began to fall. Suddenly, a three-room apartment turned up, which was sold urgently and was inferior in price. The house is well located - in the center of the microdistrict in Berdsk. Near a school, a kindergarten, a store and a recreation center, in which there are many circles and clubs. Plus the first floor. Mom helped a little with the money, and we bought our own housing.
The apartment was neglected, but I was not afraid of work - the main thing is there are walls, there are hands.
We will be renovating gradually. They took a loan for the first arrangement, laid linoleum, inserted plastic windows and glazed the loggia. Little by little, new furniture began to appear in the apartment, now the kitchen set is in the process of assembling. A rolling stone gathers no moss. If I didn't run, there would be no housing.
I have known Svetlana since the days when we worked together. Her husband died of cancer and she was left alone with the child. We have been living together for 4 years. It so happened that for us the most important thing in life is children. Svetlana loves children very much. He gives everything to them. She wears old clothes for a long time. I literally force my wife to the store to buy her something new. I myself can walk in the same pants. My wife also takes me almost by force to the store to buy clothes. This is how we lead each other.
We live together with Svetlana. My mother also told me: all problems need to be solved with words, talk to each other more often. We cannot tolerate each other for the sake of the children. The children will grow up and run away, and you will be left alone, and there will be nothing to talk about. I have learned this lesson. Small things happen every day that add up to something big. And relationships are made up of little things, big things follow on their own.
With Yegor, the son of Svetlana, they gradually found a common language. He has a whiny personality. You start to find out something - immediately into tears. Now he is already used to it, he knows that I won’t scold in vain. Last year, the boys helped straighten the wire that was needed on the farm (for pegs for tomatoes). The work was not easy - the wire was tied in knots. Yegor failed, got upset and wanted to quit his job. I told him: "Go rush, then you'll come up, we'll talk." After a while, Yegor calmed down, I calmly showed him how to straighten the wire, and did not leave him until it started to work out. He was happy that he was able to do such a serious job.
Katya, Andrey, Egor, Maxim
In the future, when Maxim finishes school, we plan to move to Svetlana's private house. It is easier to live in a house with a household. It is better to raise chicken yourself than to buy it in a store. There is no chemistry. The same with eggs, with vegetables. While the house is empty in winter, and in the summer we all move to fresh air.
At first, it was difficult for the children to get used to each other. Time passed, and everything got better - got used to it. I do not divide children into mine and others. Children - they are children. There are no special difficulties in education. Anything can happen in a family, I solve problems depending on the situation: somewhere I will shake my finger, somewhere on the head I will stroke. Boys are easier to raise than girls. All dads love girls, but it’s more difficult with them, you need a female hand. As a child, I saw how my mother communicated with me, with my younger sister. I explain to the kids the same way. I think there is no point in screaming. But say little. You need to explain and make sure that you are understood correctly.
Andrey, Katya, Veronica
I work closely with the social protection and guardianship authorities. At first, the representative came several times with a check, made sure that the family was prosperous, and stopped traveling - she called. If problems arise, I ask for help. This usually applies to free vouchers to rehabilitation centers and dispensaries. Information about such opportunities is hushed up, and the population does not know about them.
One child is an egoist, two are eternal quarrels, three are already a family.
But giving birth is one thing, raising is another. Children are all different. Maxim is assertive, he brings things to the end. Egor is a breeze. Forgets to remove the bike from the aisle. I reminded several times - it's useless. Then he promised: next time you will go to clean the bike in the middle of the night. It worked quickly!
Katya is a smart girl, but she gets distracted in class a lot, it's hard for her to concentrate. She is in the fifth grade, and in the fourth grade she surprised everyone. She was the only one in the class who wrote a test in natural history for five. Veronica is a family favorite. Wise beyond her age, loves to talk about life. She is five years old - the most interesting age. From Egor weave ropes, from Maxim, too, he tries. They sometimes quarrel with Katya over toys, but Katya takes care of her younger sister, calling her "my baby."
Katya, Veronica, Egor
My stepfather taught me to do everything along the way. I went to feed the pigs - immediately bring a bucket on the way back. There will be less work in the morning. So you save effort and make life easier. I also teach my children. They do not always agree, sometimes they show their teeth, but I think: if this is correct, it is better to insist. Children have their own duties, they clean their rooms, vacuum, dust, put things in their places.
The brothers have recently learned to cook. We were busy with housework and suggested that they cook the soup themselves. Explained how. Maxim was in charge, Egor was on the hook. The whole family appreciated the buckwheat soup - it turned out to be unusually tasty! The child needs to be shown the mechanism in steps, then it is easy for him to do.
I would like my children to get professions that are in demand. Plumbers, auto mechanics, computer scientists are always needed. But it does not matter who they will be, the main thing is to learn how to do the job better than anyone else. Professionals are always in demand, which means there will always be a penny in your pocket.
In the evenings we all have dinner together. On holidays we cook barbecues. Children's birthdays are sacred. The first of September is the day of condolences. Summer is eagerly awaited not so much by children as by parents(laughs).I approach life with humor. He brings a holiday, new emotions into everyday life. Recently, my wife asked me to buy a watermelon. When I returned, I quietly carried the watermelon into the kitchen and said that they were not in the store. Svetlana enters the kitchen - and there is a long-awaited watermelon. The wife was delighted, they laughed together. The words that I heard from Evgeny Petrosyan are close to me: “I hasten to laugh at myself until others laugh at me.” With a joke it becomes easier to live.
Julia
True love is when you can let go for the sake of his happiness. Husband died. I am 26 years old, he was 27. But I do not cry, I hold on so that his soul is easy. This verse was born. Maybe it will help someone, I don't know. I believe that my love and prayers help him there. I know that I will always be with him. But everything is the will of God.
Your lips, your arms, your shoulders...
I won't forget - I can't and I don't want to
I'll be looking forward to meeting you
I'll follow you like the wind.
I let you go, don't be afraid
I can, I can endure
Believe in me and calm down
I pray for you Jesus.
Without you, of course, it is very difficult.
I can't find a better friend than you.
I hope my feelings, however,
Do not interfere with your path.
I believe in God and His decision,
I bow to this fate
I know we'll meet you, no doubt
My dearest man!
They say that when you lose, only then you begin to appreciate. It's all wrong with me. I always knew that Kolya was the best friend in the whole world. We started dating, I just finished school, met for a long time - 7 years, and then got married. By the time we got married (I was 24 and he was 25), we already knew each other from A to Z. We had been through a lot together. We already had mutual friends. I knew his family well, he knew mine well. He was perceived by my relatives as their own, as a native. I knew what he would think in any situation, not just what he would say. I can talk about him for a long time, but probably for everyone who has lost a loved one, this person is the best. But still I will say that he was tall, handsome, with a sense of humor, open, did not like people who did not say anything, loved and wanted children, always came to the aid of everyone, was a great romantic. I will never forget how he could suddenly give a huge bouquet of tulips or daisies. I know that Kolya loved me very much. I think there are people who think that he cheated on me or something like that. Because he was very handsome and never climbed into his pocket for a word. He had a charm that many liked. But I know that there can be no talk of any betrayal. It is a pity that God takes away such sincere, real people, who are very rare in the modern world. Kolya lived for me, since childhood he lacked affection and care. His mother died when he was 13. For him, I was his family and meant a lot, as he did for me. Our two years of marriage were the happiest for both of us.
When he died 3 months ago (suddenly, from a heart attack at the age of 27!!!) the first thing I thought about was how he is now. I think he was also shocked that he died. He didn't expect this. We had big plans. We wanted children and so on. Nobody can believe that he had a weak heart, he was always strong.
Taking care of him saves me from despair. I believe that there is a soul, and that he did not die, but passed into another state, which I will know about someday. But if his soul is near, at least in the first days after death, then he would be very sad if it were very hard for me. Knowing how much he loved me, I'm sure he is going through now, how I am without him. Therefore, in order not to torment his soul, I try not to cry and constantly pray for him. I always thought that most often a person cries out of self-pity, although he is not always aware of it. When loved ones die, we often cry because we won’t see them again, won’t talk to them, won’t walk this planet together. But in fact, they feel good there, especially if the person was good, and if we pray for him. And it’s not worth keeping your loved one with your sorrows, to whom you wish well. After all, he also worries about you.
When I come to Kolya's grave, I talk to him. Maybe he can't hear me though, I don't know. But I tell him not to worry about me, that everything will be fine with me, that I love him and pray for him.
Many people, seeing my behavior and calm attitude to what happened, think that I'm just in a state of shock and that I'm not behaving adequately. Nothing like this. I am in good condition. I just don't think about myself, but about him. That's all.
They often say to me: “Nothing, you will still be happy.” This is of course very annoying, because I understand how people represent happiness and what they mean. But the thing is different: how I imagine my happiness. Maybe I'm not unhappy at all. I am grateful to God that Kolya was in my life, that I learned what real sincere love is when you want to take care of another person and take all his worries on yourself. After all, there are people who live up to 100 years and never know what love is. Better to love and lose than never love.
I know that everything is God's will. After all, God initially knew that Kolya was destined to die at the age of 27. And for some reason He gave Kolya to me. I am grateful to God for this. Also, I think that it was not without reason that God gave me to Kolya. Maybe there is no one else for me to pray for him. All people on earth are sinners, and Kolya too. So I pray that God will forgive him and help him there. I hope I can help my loved one, and when I die (maybe in 100 years, maybe tomorrow, I don't know) I would like to be there next to him.
It’s difficult to advise others when you yourself are only experiencing it (after all, only three months have passed) and you live with the feeling that you are in a movie, that this is just a role, that the movie will end and everything will fall into place. I think the most important thing is not to grumble or blame someone, this will only make the person you have lost worse. Think more about him than about yourself, think about how you can help his or her soul. The Church teaches that alms help the dead a lot. But this almsgiving must be given with a pure, sincere heart.
I'm sure God takes people to himself for a reason. There is a higher purpose for this, which we people cannot understand. There is a story in the Bible that when Jesus was walking by a cripple, Jesus told his disciples that if this man had walked, he would have done a lot of evil. I brought this example to prove that we do not know much of what God knows. Maybe if my husband were alive, he would have to go through some kind of misfortune. And only by death did God save him from it.
My mother says that if there was an opportunity, she would change places with Kolya. And I think that I would not change with him, because I know how hard it would be for him to lose me.
Of course, it is very difficult to console a person who does not believe in God. What saves me is the belief that life goes on there, only on a completely different level, which does not fit in our understanding. Being strong is very difficult. I am sure that I am very weak, and in fact God helps me. And all the thoughts that I wrote here were also given to me by God. Without Him, I wouldn't have been able to do this.
I think it is not uncommon for a person to come to God only after the death of a loved one. Don't bring it up. Go to God because He wants to save you. And loves you despite your flaws.
How to continue to live? I hear this question often. He annoys me. Why make me think about it? I don't know what will happen tomorrow, how can I plan something 20 years ahead. Due to the fact that Kolya and I forgot about the meaning of life, we lost many wonderful moments. For example, it was possible to go to the forest for mushrooms, or just to nature, to enjoy the tranquility. No, we devoted most of our time to work, in the hope of achieving great success and earning more money and prestige, so that we could finally start living a normal life, having children, and so on. It turns out that this is impossible, because tomorrow you can suddenly die. We need to live now and not think about the future.
Now I find joy in communicating with my friends, who are all very good, I support my parents, I have nephews with whom I like to play, there are unfinished business for Kolya, there is a job that I love. Now I try to find something unusual, important in every moment of my life, I catch every moment. Even now I am writing a letter for the forum - also a certain moment of my life, which may not have been in vain, and my thoughts will help someone.
I wish everyone who has lost a loved one peace of mind, and the confidence that you can still help him. Do not forget that there are people who also love you and care about you. Continue to live, learn to live in this world without the one you have lost. Do not think that he or she has disappeared into nowhere. They're out there somewhere and they can see us. Let's not hurt them with our suffering.
I was approached by a client who was left a widow at a young age. The husband died unexpectedly for everyone at the age of 30. Death was very strange. The client had the feeling that her husband had foreseen everything, as he spoke about his possible death, gave instructions on what to do after his death, and said goodbye to his friends in advance. And before his death, he quarreled with his wife and relatives, thus remaining alone in the apartment. Also in the family of the client in the female line, the mother and grandmother are widows.
The main request of the client: Why was I given a lesson in the early death of my husband? Were we connected in past lives? What did they promise each other?
Below is the session script:
I see a very bright white light. I feel myself in the sky and see the light, in front of the bright white sun, around like light yellow sand. Comfortable atmosphere.
- Well, then please choose the place where you would like to be now.
- It leads me somewhere straight, where, in my opinion, there is a shadow. I see trees.
“Then go where the shadow exists. How do you feel, are you alone or with someone?
“I am alone, but someone is waiting for me in the shadows.
- Very well. And we are going to meet this someone.
“He came out to meet me. This is a very old man. Like an old man from the movies, in white clothes and with a white beard. And with a staff.
– Ask him, please, who is he.
- Teacher.
“Greet him, thank him for showing up.
- He was waiting for me.
“And ask him if you can ask questions about your life?”
- Yes I can.
“Then ask him why you were given the lesson of your husband’s early death?” What should you take away from this lesson?
- He says to me: “You yourself wanted it that way. You wanted to be with him, and you knew how it would end. You are stubborn and clung to him. And I warned you."
- Tell me, please, can your teacher show you pictures of those moments when you decided to incarnate in this life and meet your husband?
- Yes maybe.
We stand with my husband. It's dark all around, I can only see him. And he says that it is not necessary, I will have a difficult incarnation, why do you need this. And I say that I will go with you anyway.
- And how did he react?
- He hugs me. He says, "Okay, if that's what you want. I'll be better off with you." I say that I will always be by your side.
– Can you rewind time a bit and see your incarnation? Who were you to each other? Why did you develop such a close, intimate relationship? How many incarnations have you had?
– Can you see the most important incarnation?
– I see a kaleidoscope of pictures related to different lives.
An elderly woman in a poor wooden house. The atmosphere is very dark. She resembles Baba Yaga. And this is him (husband).
“But I just see her, I don’t know who I am. And I think she's a sorceress or a witch. She is evil, but I am not afraid of her, I just know that she is evil for others. And she helped me, she saved me.
I lying. I am young. And she saved my life. She found me when I was dying. And she brought me here (to the house) and took care of me.
- What did you die of?
“I was wounded, they wanted to kill me. An arrow in the heart... And in the shoulder. A lot of them. There was an ambush. Robbers. They thought I was dead, but I didn't. The sorceress found me and brought me into the house. She takes care of me and feeds me with a spoon. I can see that she is very kind inside. It's just that life made her that way. And I see what others don't see. I tell her that if she were younger, I would marry her.
And how does she react?
She laughs and says: “Don’t make it up!” And I kiss her hands.
– And watch another very important episode of this past life. What changed?
I didn't want to leave, but she kicked me out. She said, "Live there. What are you doing here?"
And I went, but then I decided to return. For some reason my heart pounded. And I came back and she died.
Did she already know when she would die?
Yes, she knew everything. That's why she kicked me out.
Yes, she wanted to be buried near her house. I dug a grave and buried it because no one else would come. Nobody.
“I was looking for death. I see myself doing recklessness. I go to war, I fight, I run into quarrels.
- And please tell me at what point death overtook you.
- Also from an arrow in battle. Everything is exactly the same as when she saved me. Only now there is no one to save me.
- Tell me, please, did the soul of this woman perform its tasks or was it nearby?
- She was nearby. At least at the time of death.
“And describe to me the moment of your death.” How is the soul separated from the body?
“At first, a sharp pain. I'm falling. I look at the sky. I see a very bright sun, but for some reason it does not blind. And then the pain goes away. And it becomes very good and very easy. And then I look at the body from the side. It's like I'm standing next to me and I see myself.
Do you have any thoughts, feelings, sensations?
- Not. I just like myself.
– What do you like the most?
- I look, a pleasant face: bright eyes, blond hair, a white shirt, now almost all red. The word is spinning: "A worthy death."
- Tell me, please, did you feel the presence of the soul of this woman ...
And now she's around?
- Yes. But she looks different: she is young, with long hair. I wonder why she looks like that. And she laughs and says: “You didn’t think that I was always old?” And she takes me by the hand.
- And where are you going?
“I can’t tell, I’m just following her anywhere.” And then light again. And now I'm looking at the teacher.
"And then we'll ask the next question?"
- What is the purpose (name) in this life?
- Is it worth doing something in this life so that in the next you will meet your husband?
- He laughs and says: “Can you take you away?”
- Tell me, please, what is very important that connects you?
- Gratitude to each other. Master says we saved each other many times.
- Can the teacher reveal the future (name) that is most successful in his personal life? How might events unfold? The most successful option for a good marriage?
He doesn't really want to, but he shows the picture. I'm standing in the kitchen. I don't know this kitchen in real life. I'm cooking something. The door opens. I hear two children running and shouting "Daddy". I'm frying something and I can't stop. I turn my head. I see a tall man, but his face is blurry.
- Tell me, please, will you feel this man when he appears in your life?
- You can now leave yourself a hint, a signal, for example, smell the kitchen. And the moment you meet this man in your life, you will smell the food.
Yes, I can smell it.
- Tell me, please, would you like to ask the teacher something else regarding (name) of the late husband?
“I think I know the answer to some of the questions. I would like to ask if I could be near him (at the time of death)? But I know he wouldn't want that. Could something have turned out differently? I know it couldn't. And we could not have children in this incarnation.
It seems to me that the teacher is waiting for the question for which he appeared. Everything about (name) is clear to him, and he cannot understand why something is still unclear to me.
- Then ask the teacher for advice, guidance.
“He says, “Think of yourself. You really wanted to be in a female body, but everything pulls you somewhere back. There were too many male incarnations.”
- And what tasks did you need to solve in the female body?
- He laughs and says that at first just stay a woman, and then there will be tasks.
That is, I need to accept this fact, to act like a woman.
- Is there any explanation why women in your family line become widows early?
“Because you are all stubborn and choose like that. You know it's not for long, and you go anyway. This is especially true for mom. Love doomed men.
- Clear. Tell me, please, is the money issue still important to you?
- Not important to me. You listen too much to what other people have to say. In this lifetime and in other lifetimes, the question was not about money. You have money when you know what you want to spend it on. Too many other people's opinions in your head. It is important to hear yourself, then the teacher will not be needed.
He said everything he wanted, and is already looking somewhere into the distance.
- Ask, please, the last question about your husband. Is it worth taking some practical steps today to help him on his journey after death?
“He can handle it himself.
- Then we thank the mentor for all the answers and say goodbye to him.
– I need to ask one last thing… about religion. Spiritual search. I'm trying to choose something for myself, to understand.
He frowned and said that's what I'm talking about, you're always trying to find other people's words. Look for yours.
Everyone, we said goodbye.
Exit through the healing space.
After session: the client was convinced that the early death of her husband is a difficult path and task for her husband. The client's mission is to be able to start living again and not repeat the mistakes of a past life, when she, in her male incarnation, was looking for death on the battlefield after the death of a loved one. It was also discussed what practical steps can be taken today to direct your life from a mourning situation to the path of improving your life.
Antonina- I tried trance methods on myself for the first time. Feelings certainly can not be expressed in words. I felt my body in a different way, I felt some vibrations, energy, something that I had never felt in this life. The session gave me a lot, I finally understood what I need to do in this life, I now know why I am the way I am. This amazing journey lives on in my memory and has connections with my life. Thank you very much Julia for the work done, for the warmth and empathy.
Kirill- I called Yulia because of my interest in past reincarnations. Julia immediately asked: "Kirill, what do you want to know specifically? Do you have a request?" I was in a hurry. I was just curious to know who I was in a past life. But Julia insisted: "You could be anyone. But what will this knowledge give? Perhaps you have some question or an unsolved problem? Go to the session with him. After all, the more specific the question, the clearer the answer." I thought. I sketched 3-4 problems in the Questionnaire and came to the session. I got into the life of an animal! I was a wolf and roamed the forest in search of prey. I answered many of my questions about loneliness, about doing tough business, about relationships with women. Julia helped me figure out what I saw. I am grateful to Julia for her help and support.
Anastasia- I turned to Julia to understand what my purpose is. I had already completed my studies at the institute, but I was unsure of my choice. I knew that there was a choice of work. But what? I took career guidance tests at one time, but the results of these tests only confused me, since I was interested in something completely different. I came to Yulia for past life regression in order to understand my destiny. I saw an absolutely creative past life. I was a male artist. And I realized that I have a huge choice. I can do anything! The main thing is to bring creativity into your actions, to do work not according to a template, but consciously! Now I understand better what I want. Thanks to Julia for the regression.
Elena- In working with Yulia, I feel in her what is called "my" therapist. When a person goes on a journey - an exploration of his inner world, into a space where he often feels vulnerable, a guide is needed, a person who would subtly and unobtrusively accompany you. The one who travels needs to constantly feel friendly support and sympathy, no matter what story unfolds inside! This is how I feel when Julia accompanies me in past life regressions or life between lives as a therapist! I feel very at ease with her and I can fully focus my attention on what I need to understand about myself and hear what my soul wants to tell me, without being distracted by self-defense. I know that I can always ask for advice or get a new fresh perspective on a difficult situation. I like that Julia is attentive, professional and has a subtle flair.
Svetlana- What do I like about Julia's work? She very carefully approaches any issue, sorts everything on the shelves, penetrates to the very depths of the problem. Her way of working is very gentle, not intrusive. I am very grateful for the regressions carried out with me, my eyes were opened to many things. And I am very glad that they went just like that - in a soft, comfortable form. Of course, regression will not solve all your problems, but it will give the key to understanding and awareness of many things, understanding the causes of existing problems and show ways to solve these problems. And it is very important who exactly will be your guide to this amazing space of a past life or life between lives. It is important to get to a truly professional who will sincerely want to help you and do everything right.
Natalia- Julia is a very good and competent specialist who is constantly growing and improving her psychological skills. It helps to better understand yourself and your problems and move towards their solution. Julia is an attentive and delicate specialist who subtly feels the client's condition and is able to quickly "feel" the problem, as well as suggest ways to solve it. Working with Julia is pleasant and comfortable, she is always ready to help and arrange a meeting for a consultation as quickly as possible.
Yana- Hello Yulia. I really like your articles. It's nice that you write honestly and your real experience is felt. In your articles I find important points for myself and it is interesting to think about the topics you set) Special thanks for the article about death. Although I have not tried regressions and am slightly wary of this mystical method, the topic of death is very important and I still do not see a worthy solution in the psychological concept - and your article is like a breath of fresh air on this topic. And it also seems to me that you are a kind of shaman or shaman :) and it is very close to me that psychological concepts are complemented by spiritual, mystical experiences :) Because modern psychology has developed a scientific base only up to some boundaries beyond which spiritual growth begins. I will continue to follow your posts with interest :)
Irina - I want to thank Yuliya from the bottom of my heart for her work and support. I turned to her at a very difficult critical moment in my life, my beloved husband died and I was looking for any way to understand for myself how and why this happened to us. Quite by chance, I came across Yulia's book about death, the book itself had already had a calming effect on me, and after reading it, I was already absolutely sure of my desire to meet Yulia in person. And I am very glad that this meeting took place, Yulia turned out to be an excellent listener, a very responsive girl, a wonderful guide to the endless world of the soul, past lives, mentors, totem animals and other amazing knowledge and powers. I not only received answers to all the questions that tormented me, but also took a fresh look at myself and at the events in my life and the lives of the people around me. I remember the amazing feeling after falling into a trance, when I saw myself in the mirror and did not immediately recognize it. My close people also noted a change in my emotional state, I literally came to life after that meeting, and for all this I thank Yulia. I do not want anyone to go through the experience that I experienced, but I can say that after working with Yulia, I can say with confidence that everything in our life is not accidental, and when you understand the reason for the events, even the most difficult and terrible, it becomes much easier accept and experience them. Julia thank you so much for your sensitivity, responsiveness and care that you surround from the very first minute of the meeting!
A few years ago, a great tragedy occurred in our lives: I lost my beloved and caring husband, and our daughter lost her father, whom she loved very much.
We met at school and got married as soon as I graduated - my husband was 2 years older than me. Very soon I became pregnant - it was a great joy for both of us. For some reason, from the very beginning, Sergey was sure that a girl would be born to us - he really wanted a daughter. I know that most men dream of a son, only in our case it was different. When the ultrasound confirmed the sex of the child, he was in seventh heaven, literally carried me in his arms and dreamed of how he would braid her pigtails himself. When Lika was born, he immediately took over all the worries about her. Moreover, I did not breastfeed her much - Sergey himself got up at night in order to change her diaper and feed her from a bottle. When the baby grew up a little, he dragged her everywhere with him, I was even sometimes jealous, it seemed to me that she and her daughter live in some kind of their own world, which they don’t let me into too willingly. They went everywhere together all the time, they had their own affairs, even their own secrets.
In order to constantly be with us, my husband even refused a very prestigious and profitable job in the North: we could not move to him, he worked on a rotational basis: two months on a shift, two months at home. As I remember now, Sergei was very upset by the separation from us - and I could not quit my job, a well-established life, leave some elderly parents. In the end, Serezha found a suitable vacancy and moved to us. But he worked outside the city - 70 km, and he had to make this journey by car every day. Of course, I was very proud of this, although my husband was offered a room in a hostel, he could well stay overnight there and come only on weekends, but every day he drove almost 150 km just to be next to us, spend the night at home, with me and with daughter. And then one day it all came crashing down.
How now I remember that terrible day - almost every detail has been preserved in my memory. I passed the session at the institute, so my daughter was left at home alone. She was waiting for dad to return from work and was happy to cook dinner for him. Let it be quite simple - it was the usual mashed potatoes and sausages - but the most important thing is that it was cooked with great love. By the way, they both loved sausages very much, and I often scolded them for overeating on this unhealthy food. So they tried to seize the moment when I was not at home. Having set the table, Vika sent a text message to her father. Usually he answers her, but not this time.
Vika was waiting for her dad from work, but he didn't come back. Vika tried to call him several times, but to no avail, the phone was switched off. In the end, she called me and asked if I knew where dad was. I couldn't get through to him either. And I immediately realized that something had happened - Serezha did not have the habit of turning off his phone, he was constantly in touch with us. But I could not imagine that at that moment he was already dead. We learned that the car accident had happened only the next day - as it turned out, my husband's phone had also crashed, and therefore no one could tell us.
Identification, funeral - all this passed for me in a blur. And then I started dreaming. Seryozha came to me in a dream, hugged me, stroked my hair. Every night I went to bed hoping to see him again. In a dream, my beloved was next to me again, I dreamed that he was sitting next to me on the couch and sorting through my hair, or we were walking somewhere with him and he was telling me something tender. Whispers how much he loves me. After each such dream, I wake up with extraordinary lightness in my soul. Sometimes it even seems to me that a dream is my everyday life, and reality is what happens in a dream.
You know, sometimes people talk about the fact that before the death of their loved ones they were visited by some premonitions, there were some signs, signs. I won’t lie, I didn’t experience anything like this, although now it seems to me that the special tenderness that we felt for each other was such a sign. It is possible that my husband tried to spend so much time with me, and especially with my daughter, precisely because he had a presentiment that he did not have much time in this world. However, I don't remember anything directly pointing to this. On the contrary, we constantly made some plans for many years to come. We were going to celebrate his 35th birthday at his mother's house - there is much more space than in our apartment, it was possible to gather all relatives, friends and colleagues. We have already begun to purchase products and draw up a program for the holiday. Unfortunately, the tragic death made its own adjustments - our loved ones gathered not for the anniversary of my husband, but for his funeral.
And now these dreams. I am sure that my beloved is constantly, every minute, next to us. That he turned into our guardian angel with my daughter. He charges me with his warmth, helps me tune in to the good. If I need to feel his presence not at night, but during the day, I take his terry bathrobe, which is still hanging in our closet, wrap myself in it, and it seems to me that Seryozha is still next to us, that I am in his safe embrace. It seems that not only I feel it, but also Lika - several times I have found her sitting on the sofa, wrapped in this dressing gown.
A month ago, I ended up in the hospital - I had to do a difficult operation. Of course, I was very nervous, I was afraid, and not so much for myself, but for the fact that I could leave my daughter an orphan. And before the operation, I had another dream. I dreamed that I was approaching the edge of a huge high cliff. I stand and peer into the void that opens right under my feet - it's dark there and nothing is visible. And at that moment Seryozha appears from behind, he hugs me, I feel the warmth of his reliable hands, and takes me back from the edge of the abyss. He turns me to him, runs through my hair, strokes my head. “Baby,” I hear his voice, “don’t worry about anything, don’t be afraid, I’m with you. Everything will be fine". When I woke up, I was sure that the operation would go well and I would quickly get back on my feet. And so it happened.
