Pregnancy- manage emotions.
When a woman comes to an appointment with a gynecologist, and, worrying, she says, I want to have a baby, I am always happy for her. Expectant mothers are special, one might say, our most beloved patients. Among the many questions that arise when planning and bearing a child, there are not only medical ones, and often we have to become a little psychologists. I want to talk about the influence of the emotional factor on the course of pregnancy and the health of the unborn baby in this article.
It is good when pregnancy begins with planning. It is possible to solve health problems before conception, get tested for potentially dangerous infections. If treatment is required, the drugs used will not harm the unborn baby. It would seem that there are only pluses, but one tiny minus of responsible planning still exists. This is fear and excitement, “what if it doesn’t work out to get pregnant.” For women who are emotional, suggestible, with an increased level of anxiety, this can become a real problem. If every month menstruation is experienced as a tragedy, the body is in a state of chronic stress, which prevents the onset of pregnancy. There is a completely scientific rationale for this: for any stress, the level of the hormone prolactin rises, which, in turn, blocks the regulatory function of the ovaries, and the likelihood of pregnancy decreases.
In a healthy couple, the probability of pregnancy in the first cycle is only 15%. You need to give yourself time, at least six months, to calmly wait. Gynecologists believe that there is a problem if pregnancy does not occur within a year. Tune in to the good, enjoy each other's company with the future dad, regardless of the day of ovulation. After all, the positive side of the planning period is that you can finally not worry about protection, there is time for yourself and for your spouse. The psychological situation directly affects the possibility of becoming pregnant.
One of the first questions that women who are planning a pregnancy ask at an appointment is: “How?”. And so, it is worth getting out of a stressful state - the body itself begins to fulfill the main program laid down in it.
“When I found out that I was pregnant, I was delighted and was so delighted that many asked, what lottery did I win a million in? But after a certain time, the euphoria passed, and after studying articles on pregnancy in smart books and the Internet, it became scary - there are so many dangers for my unborn baby. Of course, I began to take care of myself more - eat right, rest, not take medicine, but still I constantly worry about the child, am I doing everything right, what if something goes wrong? Pregnant women often come to us with such questions.
I would like to answer: you are doing everything right, except for one thing - you constantly worry. Of course, pregnancy, especially the first one, is a cause for countless worries: fear for the health of the child, fear of changes in appearance, fear of the upcoming birth, can be listed for a long time. It is worth considering the changing hormonal background, which makes women more vulnerable and emotional. All this cannot but affect the well-being of the expectant mother and baby. With stress, toxicosis is more pronounced, the risk of developing complications of pregnancy increases: anemia, high blood pressure, preeclampsia.
"Smile and wave!" this should be the attitude of a pregnant woman to all troubles. It is not easy to maintain this attitude, due to the changed hormonal background during pregnancy, any little thing can unbalance. It is impossible to remain calm and unperturbed for all 9 months, but if these situations arise periodically and do not last long, they practically do not affect the child.
Strong and constant anxiety, long-term chronic stress is harmful. Under stress, we begin to breathe incorrectly, and together with you, your baby “breathes” incorrectly and suffers from a lack of oxygen. As a result, there may be a delay in the development of the fetus, problems with the respiratory system immediately after childbirth. If the mother is calm, the blood circulation is normal, the baby receives enough nutrients and oxygen. If the mother is tense, agitated, the child begins to worry, he actively moves, moves, reacting to the mother's condition. Such a seemingly intangible thing as emotions directly affect the physical condition of the baby. In addition, the level of cortisol, the stress hormone, increases, which, passing through the placenta, can affect the development of the nervous system, laying in it a negative perception of the world.
Constant anxiety can lead to insomnia, which prevents you from enjoying your position and does not allow the body to recover. It depresses the immune system, and no magical kefirs to help the immune system will help while you are in a nervous state.
Light physical exercises, gymnastics for pregnant women, swimming, yoga are very useful for a positive mood. At the same time, this will prevent your muscles from losing shape, prepare the body for childbirth, and speed up recovery after them.
An active cultural life also helps to distract. If health allows, it is good to attend exhibitions, concerts, travel out of town. In general, do everything that brings pleasure to you and your baby, of course.
The impact on the development of the child of various factors, including emotional ones, depends on the gestational age:
At the very beginning of pregnancy, in the first 2 weeks, a fertilized egg (and this is not a baby yet) migrates to the uterus. Since the egg does not yet have a common blood circulation with the mother, external factors have almost no effect on it. During these weeks, the process goes in 2 ways: 1) the fetal egg attaches to the uterus and begins to develop 2) if something goes wrong, the fetal egg dies. Usually at this time, the woman does not yet know about her pregnancy.
· The first trimester, (3rd - 13th weeks of pregnancy) is a critical period when the laying and formation of all organs and systems of the fetus occurs, so exposure to various harmful factors can cause malformations. So at this time it is necessary to take care of yourself as much as possible.
· In the second and third trimesters, ie. from the 14th week of pregnancy until childbirth, these organs improve, as well as the growth of the baby. At this time, damaging factors (stress among them) will no longer cause serious malformations of organs, but can cause a violation of their work.
Pregnancy is one of the most emotionally intense periods in a woman's life. This is a time of a special spiritual state, it is not for nothing that they often say that an invisible radiance comes from pregnant women.
Psyche expectant mother is very different from the state before pregnancy. While waiting for a baby, a woman experiences unexpected and very strong mood swings, various anxieties and fears associated with pregnancy and a child begin to bother her.
The first months of pregnancy are a time of revolutionary change not only in the physiology of a woman, but also in her psychology. In the inner, innermost space of her “I”, the space of another person appeared, the existence of which must not only be reckoned with, but possibly rebuild her whole life, change all plans. Not everyone can unconditionally accept these changes. Even if the child is desired and long-awaited, the grandiosity of the accomplished event captures all the thoughts of a woman, forcing her worry: How will my life go on? How will the pregnancy proceed? What will happen to my career? Will I be able to provide my child with a decent future? Will I be a good mother? Familiar questions, right?
Such mental anguish can cause not only a feeling of fatigue and irritability, but even cause toxicosis or threatened miscarriage.
I believe that, Firstly, don't try to decide all problems straightaway. Postpone them indefinitely, and perhaps some of them will be resolved without your participation. In general, pregnancy is a unique time when you can rightfully afford not to react to life's problems, without feeling guilty for such irresponsible behavior. Remember that more than all material goods in the world, a child needs your attention, understanding and love.
Secondly, the most important thing now is to realize and accept your new condition. Give yourself permission to be pregnant. Accepting your new state means accepting the appearance of a child in your life, learning to understand his needs. Indulge your little weaknesses - whether it's the desire to lie down in the middle of the day or buy yourself some delicacy. Let pregnancy enter your life not as a time of prohibitions, but as a time of new opportunities. A statement like “I won’t be able to wear my favorite skinny jeans” can be replaced with “Finally, I will update my wardrobe!”. It is enough to change the point of view to feel taste for change.
Many women take a very responsible approach to bearing a child: they are observed by doctors, follow a regimen and diet, attend courses in preparation for childbirth. Yes, and they try to pay as much attention to the baby as possible: they stroke, talk to him, sing songs. And everything seems to be fine, but real life, as a rule, often upsets a woman who is so vulnerable and impressionable during pregnancy. Everyday annoyances, even if they are just annoying little things, often upset you, sometimes causing a violent reaction. You notice that before similar situations almost didn't pay attention, and now you can break into a scream or cry. Analyzing your behavior, you come to disappointing conclusions, and this only complicates the situation.
You start to worry about your spiritual condition. As a rule, the expectant mother begins to scold herself for incontinence and feels a great sense of guilt in front of the child for frightening him with her behavior. Pregnancy makes a woman especially emotionally vulnerable, prone to anxiety, more sensitive to negative experiences. It seems that the reason for the frustration is insignificant, and the eyes are in a “wet place”, and nothing pleases.
Many are haunted by the feeling that you are "trapped" in an ongoing nausea, from somewhere heaved fatigue, constant irritability. Doctors explain such an unstable emotional state by the rapid hormonal changes that occur in the body. Only the understanding that such a state is natural and quite physiological makes this difficult period easier for a woman.
In my opinion, increased irritability- this is a signal to the expectant mother that you need to learn how to relax. This valuable skill will come to the rescue not only during pregnancy or at the time of childbirth, but in general will have a positive effect on your life.
The easiest way relax is to turn on calm music, lie down, make yourself comfortable, and focus on your breathing. Take a deep, calm breath and a slow, relaxed exhale. Imagine that with each exhalation comes relaxation and peace. By the way, moderate physical activity is an excellent remedy for blues. I am sure that the negative emotions of the mother (in a small amount) are useful.
Assume that the baby does not experience any negative or negative emotions during pregnancy. And so he is born and enters our world with his problems and anxieties. How hard it will be for the baby if he did not experience anything like this while growing up in his mother's tummy! This can adversely affect only the nascent character of the crumbs. But moderate stress in the womb will prepare the child for future difficulties. Little man is learning resist stress, not yet born. Therefore, in no case do not scold yourself for unexpected actions, for mood swings. Just explain your behavior to your baby, calm your loved ones, switch to something pleasant and enjoy your pregnancy.
After another "wrong" outburst of emotions the expectant mother gradually calms down and begins an internal (and possibly voiced) dialogue with the child. It is better to tell honestly and frankly what exactly everything that happened was connected with, which was the cause of negative emotions. It is advisable to talk about the situation that happened, explaining that everything happens in life, and nothing terrible happened. For example, if it was a quarrel with dad, a promise is made to make peace as soon as possible: “Dad is smart, good, kind and will understand everything, and we will try to explain it to him.”
When a woman enters into such a dialogue, she herself gradually calms down and feels that calms down child. There is a liberation from an unpleasant situation, and feelings of guilt do not arise. And the more confident you feel, the more confident your baby will be. Even if before pregnancy a woman had an unflappable disposition, now she can easily panic from her doctor's abstract reasoning about the complications of pregnancy or from the story of an eccentric friend about her childbirth.
Scenes from some movies or TV news, a sharp remark from your boss or fellow traveler on the subway can bring you to tears. Don't be afraid to give outlet for your emotions- cry, complain to someone, the main thing is not to drive gloomy thoughts and resentment into the depths of your soul. Such increased impressionability is just a reminder that it is time to change impressions. Remember that your impressionability has another side - it is an opportunity to take a fresh look at the world.
During pregnancy, a woman herself becomes a little child, who looks at the world with interest and surprise. Take advantage of this opportunity enjoy beautiful parts of life. Through their impressions you give the baby information about the world around him, tell him about the good world or the evil, colorful or dull, cheerful or sad. So try to get out into nature more often, visit concert halls or museums.
So many changes take place in the soul of a pregnant woman that she can begin to feel very lonely in the whirlpool of new experiences that have come flooding in. All the people around her remained the same, only you are alone in the power of "pregnant feelings." But at the same time, the experience of loneliness allows you to look deeper into your own soul, understand yourself, analyze your life experience, and possibly overestimate your vital values.
I believe that loneliness can be used for self-knowledge. Try not to close yourself too much, share your experiences with loved ones, consult a psychologist, talk to other pregnant women. Now there are many opportunities to communicate with "their own kind" - these are psychological preparation courses for childbirth, and special groups of pregnant women in a swimming pool or sports complex, and even specialized stores arrange lectures for pregnant women.
And most importantly, start communicate with the child because he is the closest person to you. The period of pregnancy can give a new positive impetus to family relationships, or it can give rise to misunderstanding. But it is most important for a woman to receive support from a loved one. However man it is much more difficult to get involved in the wife's pregnancy and become a "pregnant" dad. He can hardly imagine that a little man is growing inside your stomach (by the way, he is not a stranger). A man will be more likely to be concerned about your new quirks than the peculiarities of the course of pregnancy. A rare representative of the stronger sex speaks with inspiration with the “tummy” or is touched by the pushes from its depths. But this does not mean that men are completely indifferent to the upcoming changes. They just are going through pregnancy in your own way.
In this situation, try to unobtrusively enlighten your loved one in matters of pregnancy. He needs simple, concrete information about what is happening at the moment. Ask him to go with you ultrasound. Some men, seeing with their own eyes their child inside the tummy, completely change their attitude towards the wife's pregnancy, as if convinced of the real existence of the baby. Use the pronoun “we” more often, this will be another sign that you are no longer alone.
Gently tell your husband about how the baby behaved throughout the day. If at first there is no expected reaction, do not be upset and do not blame your husband for misunderstanding. It's just that many men don't express their emotions open. If you have a joint desire for your husband to be present at the birth, then he just needs to take the appropriate training courses. And not at all so that he does not faint at the most inopportune moment. And in order for your husband to become an active participant in events from an uncertain witness (which he actually was at the dawn of your pregnancy).
He will not only be able to gently hold your hand, but he will also be able to give a relaxing massage, remind you of proper breathing, and help you change positions. Such an active participation in childbirth helps a man to realize his paternity, and for a woman it is indispensable support. Sometimes a pregnant woman with fear begins to sort through all the risk factors that she has been exposed to since the beginning of pregnancy and think about how they will affect the child. They use memories of drinking a glass of wine or taking an aspirin when pregnancy was not yet known, thoughts about the polluted air of their hometown or radiation from a computer monitor on your desktop.
But you never know what else can affect the health of the baby. Dangers here and there. Don't exaggerate degree of risk. Birth defects are very rare. Think that unnecessary anxiety is much more harmful to your child than the mistakes you made. Do not indulge in guilt, better find a way that can compensate for your "misses" - whether it's active walks in the park or a balanced diet or listening to classical music.
And also try to imagine more often what a healthy, strong and beautiful baby will be born to you. Such fantasies have a very beneficial effect on the development of the baby. Childbirth is indeed such a powerful physical and psychological experience that waiting for it is associated with a whole series of fears. In addition to the understandable fear of labor pain, a woman may begin to be tormented by not quite conscious fears associated with those that have surfaced from the depths. subconscious childhood traumas of their own birth. Such "memories" remain with a person for life, gradually exerting a strong influence on his behavior.
It happens that in anticipation of the approaching birth, a woman begins to experience fear of death. It's not even a matter of fear for one's own life, but rather a premonition of the experiences of a child who, in the process of birth, goes through a stage of psychological "dying". Do not forget that birth- this is one of the most powerful experiences of a person, comparable in strength only to the experience of death. Studies have shown that childbirth is easier in women who have undergone special training, have a good idea of how childbirth goes, actively participate in the process of giving birth to their own child and who are aware that in childbirth the baby Feel an order of magnitude stronger than that of the mother.
What scares us the most in life suspense. Therefore, I advise you to find as much material as possible on this topic from books or from the Internet. These can be special book editions, educational films about childbirth or psychological training courses. Majority fears leaves, if you take care of the organization of childbirth in advance.
Learn more about maternity hospitals, choose it in advance. It’s even better to get to know the doctor and midwife who will be attending your birth well in advance. These should be people who not only have high professional qualities, but also cause simple human sympathy. A sense of trust in people who will help you at this crucial moment contributes to a better course of childbirth. Be sure to discuss with them the “scenario” of your birth, find out what rules exist in this maternity hospital. It's good if you will be with you at birth husband or close girlfriend. The confidence that a loved one will be with you at a difficult moment will also help you cope with many fears. Remember that nature endowed a woman with all the qualities necessary for the birth of a child - patience, wisdom, intuition. Believe in your own strength.
I hope that my advice will help you accept with gratitude all the changes that are taking place, appreciate their significance for the harmonious course of pregnancy and see in them the deep meaning of preparing your soul for the feeling of motherhood. The ability to let go of worries, concentrate on inner feelings, tune in to the same wave with your baby is just as useful as special gymnastics, breathing exercises and lectures. Pregnant women tend to bright figurative thinking, a deep understanding of the nature of things, a subtle sense of harmony.
By developing these qualities in herself, a woman enriches the inner world of her child, contributes to his psycho-emotional development. No wonder since ancient times it was believed that a pregnant woman should communicate more with the beautiful aspects of life, then the child will be born beautiful and healthy.
A few more practical tips
An effective way out of an unpleasant situation is as follows: you prepare a warm relaxing bath, add essential oil to the water (it should be safe for your baby), turn on your favorite tune, light candles. By creating such pleasant environment, you dive into the water, close your eyes and begin to breathe deeply and smoothly to the music. Breathing should be deep, wavy, without pauses between inhalation and exhalation. The body is as relaxed as possible. After a few minutes, you will feel slightly dizzy. Do not stop breathing, allow yourself to figuratively dissolve in this dizziness - in a few minutes it will pass. Get the maximum pleasure from an unusual state. Without opening your eyes, you "dive" to your baby (as if diving into your tummy), and begin to communicate with him. After explaining your behavior to him, calm him down and be sure to tell him how you love him and expect him, and that everything will be fine with him.
After that, you will not be tormented by guilt for stressing the baby, and you will leave a bad mood. Try to understand the reason for the negativity, do not be afraid to realize your own imperfection. There are no perfect people, but it is the pregnant woman who is most open to all internal changes. Not condemn yourself for feeling angry or afraid. You need to see what is behind them in order to use them as landmarks on the path to internal changes.
To don't be afraid of negative emotions, and to cooperate with them, it is necessary to designate them. There are several ways to do this:
We write. Take a piece of paper and write down what is bothering you. Write below what you can do in this situation. So you will find a way out and believe in the likelihood of its happy ending. Tear off the part that describes your negative emotions, fold it in half, and write the same thing again. Fold the sheet as long as you can write on it. The remaining small lump must be thrown away from the heart. And the part with the solution to the problem is more often viewed.
We draw. If it is difficult to express emotions in words - draw them! You can draw with anything - paints, pencils, felt-tip pens, markers, crayons. You can draw to the music you like. Depict your emotional state. If you want to remove such an emotion as aggression or resentment, draw by strongly pressing on a piece of paper (it's best to draw with your hands!). As you become less and less tempted to press the leaf, your emotion will subside. Now look at the drawing and decide what to do with it. If it is not needed, then you are ready to part with your experiences. The drawing can be torn, crushed, burned or thrown away - at your discretion. If you are not ready to part with it, leave it as long as it has some meaning. Think about what you can change in the created image so that it stops bothering you. Use for this bright colors and happy symbols. Draw the image until it ceases to interest you. You will see that even the darkest pictures can be transformed into optimistic ones. When you don’t feel like drawing on this topic, it means that you have finally calmed down.
We communicate. Discuss your emotions with people who are ready to support you. It's good if you can chat with other moms-to-be. Don't just share your problems, but listen to the problems of others. You will see that you are not the only one experiencing negative emotions. Learn to speak openly about your problems, release your emotions to the outside world, do not keep them in yourself. If a person is the cause of your tension, try to explain yourself to him. Do not blame him, but tell him about your feelings: "I'm upset, offended, I'm worried". By accusing, you will hurt the personality traits and conflicts of the other person, and this will only aggravate your relationship. If possible, play a fun wordless game with your opponent. Let him guess your condition by what you show with your hands. Show how you feel. First with the right hand, then with the left. Or two at the same time. So, if you feel that you are in some kind of cycle, draw circles with your hands, if you feel pressure, make pressing movements, etc. Gesticulation is a non-verbal language communication, that is, the language of emotions and feelings, the language of the subconscious. Such information is easier to perceive and easier to release.
We dance. Try to create your own spontaneous dance. In this dance, you will be driven by the emotions that guide you now. Choose any music - fast and slow, reflecting your mood at the moment. Let every part of your body move as you please. After such a dance, your mood will improve.
I wish you peace, balance and absolute harmony!
See also:
© K. Kladova, 2011
© Published with the kind permission of the author
One of the most common attitudes associated with pregnancy is that experiencing negative emotions during this period is harmful or even dangerous for the child.
It seems to us that if we get nervous, cry, be afraid or angry, despair or be offended, then the child will feel bad about it.
We think that:
What is really happening? In fact, our negative emotions, of course, influence. And on the condition of the child, and on the course of pregnancy, and on the well-being of childbirth. Unless it does not affect the fate of the child and his character, or rather, the influence is so insignificant that it does not have any effect.
Yes, they do, BUT. Not as directive, straightforward as we think about it. Not as global as we think. Not so decisive. If everything was so simple, it would be enough not to shed a single tear for 9 months and ale-op! - you have a healthy baby in your arms with a happy fate after an ideal birth.
I know babies, surprisingly calm (like elephants), with a strong nervous system, born in the most prosperous way after really incredibly stressful pregnancies - where there is a divorce, and an unwanted conception, and serious troubles at work. I know children who were not born as healthy or as healthy as their parents would like, although the whole pregnancy, the mother carried her belly literally in loving hands, experienced only “pink” experiences, and everything around her was only beautiful.
Nothing is a guarantee of nothing.
There is a collection of factors, a number of factors, and there is the fate and inclinations of the child, where only a combination can give some kind of result. And then - we will never be able to say with absolute certainty that it was this or that that created this. Life is more subtle and multi-spectral than we are used to with our crowns on our heads, in other words, control over life, to count.
And the more we strive to control, the more we think in terms of “press the button - you will get the result”, the more life will loosen our framework, expanding our understanding of it, I don’t know why it works like that.
And finally, to the point. Often experiencing negative feelings, we amplify them many times over by experiencing that we are experiencing them, but “it’s impossible”, and thus the circle closes. And if we add to this that pregnancy itself - for the body and for the soul of a person - is already stressful, then you can dig in a panic in general.
So, being nervous during pregnancy is normal. Humanly. Safely.
It's dangerous to hold it back.
Let's understand the concept of "stress". Stress is any event or situation that throws your life off track. A concussion in which habits, daily routines, long-established roles and functions in the family change. Stress includes: the loss of a family member, divorce, loss of a job, but also events that, it would seem, should bring us only positive emotions: a wedding, moving to a new place (even if conditions are better than they were), the appearance of a new family member , exit to new job or study. As you can see, these are events that inevitably make changes in the daily family life, and significant ones at that. And stress isn't always a bad thing. The main thing is that it is something that changes the habitual.
And in this sense - pregnancy from the point of view of the family system - is clearly considered stress, with all the ensuing manifestations in the form of instability, insecurity, anxiety, loss. The way it was can no longer be, but the way it will be has not yet been built, adjusted, felt and done.
It is normal to be nervous during this period of time, it is normal to fear for the future, be offended by the lack of support, be afraid of not coping, get annoyed with loved ones that they are doing something wrong, and a bunch of other different feelings during this period are normal.
In addition to the fact that sensitivity during pregnancy, in principle, increases, as if just so that we do not keep emotions in ourselves, but easily express them, without leaving them clamped in the body, and we cry easily and violently. And with tears, it has long been proven, and stress hormones come out.
In addition, judge for yourself, 9 months is almost a calendar year, it is very, very many weeks and days of your still simple life, in which there are other people, circumstances, accidents, news, relationships, and where - that's why - without experiences (completely different) it is simply impossible to do. After all, it is impossible for almost a year not to be offended by anyone, not to be upset, not to be afraid, not to get angry, not to quarrel. We are people, and the foam of our days consists of this, as well as of many positive things.
So negative experiences in themselves are normal in pregnancy, you should not blame yourself for this. The question is what do we do with them.
And here typical difficulties arise in the form of an attempt to drown out one's feelings, to try to think only about the good and other forms of avoiding experiencing and expressing one's feelings.
Although each of us just knows that it is harmful and difficult to carry feelings in oneself and not splash them out. This is the effect of steam under the lid, when something seems to be wandering and boiling in you, having no way out.
Every emotion is reflected in our body. From fear, our heart skips a beat, our stomach twists, our legs go numb. From anger - reduces the jaw, clenched his hands into fists. But it's something we can easily track. Our feelings, being unconscious, settle in clamps on the internal organs, and as a result, the energy does not flow, or its circulation is difficult. And by energy here I mean quite specific, earthly things - blood circulation, oxygen supply to tissues. In the place in the body where we live the feeling - or rather, we DO NOT live it, that is, we try not to feel it, there is a clamp and, accordingly, the difficulty of this circulation. If the feeling is chronic, it becomes manifest in the body and we get sick. During pregnancy, this can affect both the uterus and the placenta, and, accordingly, the health of the baby.
This is no reason not to feel. I repeat, this is impossible. It is impossible not to experience pain where it hurts. When it really hurts. How do you “try not to experience negative emotions”? It's okay to cry. As times ??? feel - need to. Allowing yourself to do so. Calling feelings by their proper names. When we do not close ourselves off from our feelings, we have the opportunity to experience them and they do not remain clamps in the body, congestion in the soul, but flow further - along the river of life. "Like water off a duck's back".
When this very salty water comes out of us, it brings relief, liberation, and often even decisions about what to do. Together with tears, the body leaves the stress hormones that we are so afraid of damaging the baby. So crying when it's bad is the best thing you can think of in the "fight" with negative feelings. In addition, the body itself, nature itself provokes us to this, and they never make mistakes, they never lie. Our body is infinitely wise.
You may not even immediately understand what exactly you feel: the bouquet of emotions is so great that it is not always possible to disassemble it into separate flowers-colors.
At first, try to simply notice what happens to the body when you are inside this situation, thinking about it or about this person. Where is the body tense, what happens to the arms, what to the legs? What pose are you in? What organ or part of the body attracts attention, as if it sounds? Don't try to evaluate it, interpret it, just watch.
You can call this feeling a color or an image and where it is in the body. Next, breathe it in. While inhaling, exhale mentally blow out to the place where there is tension, as if washing away, blowing it out of yourself. This is a good prevention of just the very harm that we are afraid to cause to the baby.
Next - try to catch: what kind of feeling am I experiencing? Do not be afraid to name your feelings in as much detail as possible, splitting into shades. Don't be afraid of the "badness" of your feelings, the inappropriateness, or the fact that they make you a "bad" wife, or daughter, or mother, or girlfriend.
Feelings we can be anything, just because we are people. It's our actions that make us bad, not our feelings. And you can feel anything.
Just be careful: “I don’t want to see him” is still not a feeling, but resentment or anger is very much so.
Feelings can be completely contradictory: the same phenomenon or person can cause us both love and gratitude, as well as disappointment and resentment. And this does not mean that one of them neutralizes the other, they have the right to exist and can coexist in you at the same time.
The often discovered and named feeling just seems to give us this emotional and bodily exhalation, a release of tension. Just from recognition, hearing yourself.
But nevertheless, you can go further. And ask yourself: what do I want to do in connection with my feelings / key feeling? Don't be afraid to answer yourself. The fact that you understand what you want to do does not oblige you to do it, even if you know that you want to hit the offender (which is unacceptable) or hide and escape (which is impossible). It's good to be aware of this. Because this makes it possible to just connect the mind in order to figure out what acceptable form of expression of one's feelings can be found. You can’t hit a person, but you can beat a pillow from the heart or even tear it to smithereens (in the literal sense of the word). You can beat dishes and eggs. Can beat the surface of the water. You can't run away, but you can come up with forms of protecting yourself - an invisible house that can be used to fence off unpleasant contact. And so it is in everything.
In addition, feelings can be written out. Just a stream, on a sheet of paper. These are the so-called "pisanki". A sheet is taken, a line is drawn, under it is the date and time. And then, with a stream of thoughts, everything, everything, everything that you think, feel about the situation that hurts in you. It doesn't matter what words. Write as if no one will read it, no one will appreciate it. Here you can be ungrateful, stupid, angry, bad, unloving, cursing, whatever, weak, desperate ...
This is not harmful to the child. It is harmful for a child - when you carry all this in yourself. It's like pus that you finally release outside, and it does not intoxicate, does not poison the body from the inside.
Feelings can be drawn. And in this case it doesn't matter if you can draw; from an artistic point of view, your drawing can be as primitive as you like, up to stick-stick-cucumber. Can be abstract, a set of colors and different forms and lines. The main thing is to make it easier for you, so that he expresses what is in your soul. Don't be afraid to draw horror stories. You can then burn them and tear them. Imagine that paper is a container where you transfer from your soul - onto it - the seething and irritating feelings.
Sometimes, after drawing something and letting it lie on the sidelines for a while, you will come back later and see with fresh eyes something new about your situation, about how you perceive it and what you can do about it.
Feelings can be danced. There is such a dance - an authentic movement. The music turns on - any, according to the mood. Feel - what do you want? Smooth or hard? Fast or slow? Electronic or live? Ragged or continuous rhythm? With voice or not? Drums? Violins? Guitars? What a style?
And start moving.
Don't worry about how it looks from the outside. (And of course, find such an opportunity for yourself in space so that no one will see you, disturb you, or rush you.) Feel what the body asks: where to stretch, where to shrink, where to stomp, and where to fly - do everything that your body will ask - just as we sometimes want to stretch sweetly after sleep; from this need of the body, dance according to this principle.
That is, in the usual sense of the word, it may not turn out to be a dance at all, there may not be a single template dance and beautiful movement familiar to us. It is important that the body expresses everything that sits in it with pain in its various forms.
Feelings can be sung. Moreover, it can be both songs according to the mood, and just the sound. In the mood, I try to feel what sound my soul is asking for now, what key - high or low. I take a breath, and as I exhale, I sing this sound for a long, long time, as long as my breath is enough.
But there are also E, and Y, and even the sounds already named associatively - for you, for each, they can mean something completely different and even the opposite.
This chanting of the sound with exhalation can be combined with blowing out the tension from the body, which sits in it in some place in connection with the situation being worked out.
Yes, what I describe is not reasonable, not logical. It acts bypassing our smart rules and regulations on how to behave and feel in a given situation. We ourselves know very bitterly that we can understand everything with our heads, but feelings do not disappear from this. We are often smart and wise with our heads, and everything is fine with us, but with what is in our souls, we just need to do something. Take the weight off her. Feelings are connected with the instinctive in us, with the right hemisphere responsible for creativity. That is why I offer so many creative forms of their expression.
According to this principle, feelings can be molded, played on musical instruments... feel what resonates with you, right now, in this situation.
And finally the most important.
By allowing ourselves to feel different, we are honest with our child. We do not lie to him about ourselves, about what is in our souls, or about the world into which he comes.
Yes, we want to give our child all the best, but his life will still not be sterile and happy, no matter how bitter we feel about it.
The child comes to live. Comes into a life that is neither white nor black, not just one. It is different, motley, and it can be different. The ability to live your feelings, not to be afraid of them, to express them healthy for the body, for your soul and for the souls of other people - this is a culture of experience, this is an ecology of feelings that we can instill in our child from the womb.
The ability to confess your feelings is the ability to be close to your baby, not to try to lie to him, not to hide from him. This does not mean that we “load” our negativity on a small child. Just the opposite: the named and lived feelings do not stand as a silent, unmanifested tension between us. Allowing yourself to be different, to be afraid and angry, to be weak, allowing yourself, in fact, to be a person - this is the formation of the skill to accept your child as anyone, in any of his human manifestations. To remain close to him, on the same side, when he, walking along the earthly path, will be angry and offended, will be weak or harmful.
If you are afraid that the child will not understand that these feelings are not directed at him, or think that the world is dangerous and scary, you can say to him like this: “Yes, baby, I’m terribly angry with your dad right now, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t love him and you more than anyone in the world, it’s just that in this situation he pisses me off, and his behavior hurts me. Just because we are different, like all people on earth. Or: “Yes, baby, now I’m scared, very scared, and I don’t know where to put myself, but this does not mean that it will always be like this or that the world is dangerous. This is temporary until I can see what's next, and until I know what to do. A little more, and a decision will ripen in me, how to be, and I will find support and support, because they are always there.
Such words support us too ... how they support us ...
It is clear that our feelings are often generated by relationships with other people. It is their words or actions that affect our soul, causing one or another response.
In such cases, it makes sense not only to experience your feelings with yourself (to discover them, find a form for their expression, to look for what can be done with them - as I described in the previous chapter), but also to convey them to a person, in connection with which these feelings arise.
This is where the pitfalls lie. Starting to say that we are hurt or offended, scared or cold in connection with the words or actions of another, we can come to conflict, since the other person may categorically refuse to take responsibility for our experiences, feel guilty and change the image their actions. And in some ways he will certainly be right. Because we are responsible for the feelings we experience.
The same words of a person, depending on temperament, state of mind at a given moment in time, self-esteem and what your mom and dad could mean by these words in childhood, each listener can perceive in completely different ways: someone’s words they will hurt, someone will be left indifferent, someone will hear care in them, and someone will criticize.
It always makes sense to find out what feelings, what motivation are behind the words of a person.
If, in your opinion, he says something offensive, then you can say: “I am offended by your words. It seems to me or do you want to hurt me with them? If not, then ask the person to answer what goal he is pursuing in his own words.
I call it reconciliation. Before coming to my conclusions, starting from the words of the interlocutor, I make sure that what I hear in his words (reproach, criticism, irony, etc.) is exactly that.
In close relationships, more often than not, the other person still does not deliberately seek to hurt us. He simply does not know what words in us will press on what “nerve receptors” of the psyche, what wounds of the past will be raised;
We often think (unconsciously, of course) that other people are telepaths and should guess our feelings for themselves. As if all other people are built the same way as we are, their logic is the same, their values are the same, etc. The other person, even the closest one, may have no idea how you feel when he does or does not do something . This does not make him any less close to you. Just intimacy - it is achieved, and not magically comes from the fact that this is "my person." Help him. Talk about your feelings.
But! It's very important how. Talk in the first person about your feelings, not about his actions. Do not analyze his J feelings and motives, you can make a big mistake in them, L offend with this and already at this stage close the opportunity for dialogue, because you yourself will hurt the interlocutor or cause his indignation.
Say: "When you are late, I feel deceived, my time is invaluable to you and therefore - an insult." Instead of: “I’m offended because you don’t care what I have over time, because you are the navel of the earth and you think that you can wait forever!”
Say: “When you do not ask me what the doctor told me about the condition of the baby at the reception, it hurts me. I feel like you don't care about us. But surely this is not so, I don’t understand you, why don’t you ask?” Instead of: “You don’t give a damn about me and the baby! You didn’t even ask me about how I went to the doctor!” Say "I'm sad/I'm hurt" instead of "You're ruining my mood/You're hurting me";
This is the most difficult point for female logic, but I want “he guessed it himself”, otherwise it’s not interesting. But if we discard coquetry, then we can remember that it’s difficult for men - just about feelings, they need specific instructions, clear instructions on what is expected of them in connection with these feelings.
"I'm sad, tell me it'll get better." "I'm sad, make me a bath and bring some tea with chocolates." "I'm sad, hug me and kiss me, right here, yeah."
Or more seriously: “Please, if you are late, call me or text me about it as soon as you understand this. Also make it clear how long you're going to be late."
"Let's make a deal, if you don't ask how my doctor's appointment went, it doesn't mean you're indifferent, it means you trust me - that if something goes wrong, I'll let you know, OK?"
“It is important for me that when I am scared, you do not leave me alone. You can say any nonsense, most importantly, do not be silent at these moments.
An event such as expecting a baby does not always imply a great mood. The hormonal background of a woman is undergoing huge changes. There are sudden mood swings, irritability, depression. In the article we will talk about emerging emotions, how to cope with them during pregnancy. We will discuss the causes, danger, methods of struggle and possible therapy.
Expecting a child is a very important and desirable event. Many women have been preparing for this for years. Very often, such training becomes ineffective. After all, having conceived a baby, the expectant mother is not always ready for a change in the emotional state during pregnancy.
The body is in constant restructuring. Increasingly, there are hormonal surges. This results in mood swings, irritability and aggression. This condition can turn into a long-term depression.
To avoid this, you need to remember that increased emotionality during pregnancy applies to absolutely everyone. Perhaps this thought will not bring relief, but it will give the feeling that the expectant mother is not alone in such outbursts. Moreover, such shifts make it clear that everything is going well and correctly.
Preparing for the birth of a child is a pleasant chore. But, for 9 months it is impossible to move away from the outside world and deal only with yourself.
Work issues, household chores, personal relationships - all this can lead to heightened emotions during pregnancy. It is worth accepting the fact that the process of bearing is already stressful for the body.
During the entire period, a double load is exerted on all organs and the nervous system. Experiences are contraindicated for expectant mothers. In fact, they cannot be avoided.
Several factors become the main reasons.
The main fear of women has become fear. It closely intertwines feelings about pain, about the course of the process and about the medical staff.
In the first three months, the emotional background during pregnancy changes quite quickly. Frequent mood swings come from the rapid restructuring of the hormonal plan.
The expectant mother may burst into tears from minor trifles. Others still do not see the characteristic rounding of the abdomen. And they do not consider it necessary to treat a woman in any other way.
At this time, significant changes occur in the body. Appears, and a general feeling of weakness. Touchiness and sentimentality are actively manifested. A trip to the gynecologist or may become hysterical.
In the second trimester, a woman begins to experience positive emotions during pregnancy. The main bursts of hormones are left behind along with toxicosis. and the first tests were successful. The appeared tummy does not interfere with walking, does not cause heaviness. During this period, creative abilities are actively developing.
The expectant mother can start to embroider or draw pictures. These three months are the best time to enjoy your position. In a baby, all systems and organs are actively formed. Any stressful situations should be avoided.
In the last weeks, there is an urgent need to take care of someone. This is based on an actively developing maternal instinct. It is best to direct all your efforts to taking care of your family and husband. This will help to get even closer, after childbirth there will be no misunderstanding.
In the first trimester, excessive worries can lead to a number of negative factors.
In the first ten weeks, the baby is inside the uterus. She has not yet reached a large size and has not gone beyond the small pelvis. Placental circulation is not established, and the mother's blood flow to the fetus does not get.
At the same time, even the smallest lesions can cause incompatible with life. During the period of emotional swings, toxicosis intensifies. There is a feeling of drowsiness and weakness. Negative emotions affect the muscles. As a result, the likelihood of a fetus or miscarriage increases.
The instability of the emotional background in the second trimester threatens with sad consequences. Hypertonicity of the uterus can cause or interrupt gestation. Also, the fetus receives less oxygen and nutrients.
Chronic stress affects the increase in hormone levels. The fetus adapts to this level, it threatens the unconscious search for conflicts on the part of the growing baby in the future. Another possible disease is autism. 50% of women raising such children experienced severe overstrain.
The last three months are less dangerous. All organs of the fetus are already formed. Now only the mass is gaining. But there is a danger here too. It consists in premature birth or in the baby on its own. The fetus may develop hypoxia.
With frequent mood swings and nervous tension, you need to seek help from a specialist. Initially, you should inform your gynecologist about the problem. He may prescribe a course of medications.
With a strong overvoltage, it makes sense to visit a psychologist during pregnancy.
The nervous system cannot be in constant tension. If a trip to a psychologist and home relaxation methods did not work, it makes sense to take medication.
An important point - before taking any funds, you should consult a doctor. Self-medication can be dangerous for both mother and fetus.
Before using any drugs, it is necessary to conduct an allergy test.
Several drugs are considered safe sedatives.
All of these products are completely natural. They contain herbs and useful vitamins.
Many girls have a negative attitude towards drug therapy during the gestational period. In such situations, it is important to use folk remedies.
Do not forget about traditional teas made from mint and lemon balm. They are very gentle and won't hurt.
In order to cope with emotions during pregnancy, there are a number of actions.
Being outdoors is important. Hiking has a positive effect on the state of the nervous system and the body as a whole.
Compliance with the sleep regimen is also necessary for the expectant mother. During this period, you need to eat a lot of fruits and healthy vegetables, consume dairy products.
A course of massage during the gestation period will bring muscle relaxation and peace of mind.
A warm bath can help you unwind before bed. Special or yoga, will also bring peace of mind.
You can overcome a bad mood with the help of the love of loved ones. Funny and cute things will bring a smile and mood for the whole day.
The key point will be to realize that many changes occur during the gestational period. This state brings not only awe and joy of expectation. It is accompanied by nausea in the first periods, followed by swelling.
It is difficult for a woman to get used to such drastic changes. She begins to feel heavy and clumsy. At this time, the expectant mother, more than ever, needs the support of loved ones.
Despite all the whims and tears, it is necessary to calm her down. Going to the park, cafe or cinema will help distract from negative thoughts. A family evening in a narrow circle is sure to bring joy.
