It seemed to me that my mother-in-law was setting her son against me, emphasizing my ineptitude and inability to live in comparison with her. And I tried. Tried to be better. It's better to cook. Economical farming. Cleaner clean up. Be gentle and caring, even if you fell down from fatigue. Finally, five years after the wedding, I insisted on my husband and I moving from Moscow to Vladivostok, where he was offered a job. I wanted to be as far away from my mother-in-law as possible so that she would not have the opportunity to interfere in our lives. And we left. Years later, remembering that time, I realized that my mother-in-law practically did not interfere.
She simply counted on a good attitude from her son. Deservedly counted. After all, she raised him and taught him at the institute, despite a lot of difficulties and a constant lack of money. Despite chronic fatigue from hard work as a nurse in the surgical department and a poorly arranged life.
The husband's father died of cancer when the son was only ten years old. Grandparents lived far away - in the neighboring villages of the Kirov region. The mother-in-law and her son visited them in the summer for a couple of weeks and in the winter for New Year sometimes. Those did not come to Moscow, fearing to leave vegetable gardens and living creatures unattended. And it was not easy for them to travel simply because of their age and health, especially since the capital with its fuss made them tired. In the villages it was more familiar and calmer - under the supervision of children and grandchildren, who did not betray their homeland, like some, did not leave to explore the cities. Subsequently, contact with them was completely lost. The mother-in-law often lamented about this and added that her son and I, her daughter-in-law, were the only people close to her. It both delighted and disturbed me at the same time.
I almost physically felt the burden of responsibility that the mother-in-law placed on us, without asking our desire to carry this burden. Although the burden was actually small. All that was required was to inquire about her well-being and do what the mother-in-law herself could not do. Carry or move something heavy. Fix a leaky faucet or replace a sparking electrical outlet. Whitewash the ceiling and glue the wallpaper after the neighbors from above have flooded. And just sit around and listen to the sore. No one required daily participation. But even my husband's weekly visits to my mother I perceived almost as a betrayal of myself. After all, I made plans for the weekend, dreamed of trips to nature and cultural events like visiting museums and theaters, invited friends to visit and accepted invitations myself, and I just wanted to go shopping with my husband to look at my new clothes, appreciate them with my eyes . And he first of all rushed to his mother and only then, if there was time left, he paid attention to me. I was angry and offended. Every word he said about his mother was taken with hostility. As an example, she set her own mother, who did very well without our constant guardianship.
My mother at that time was already the fourth husband in circulation. She fluttered like a butterfly in her forties. She attended aerobics and English courses to keep up with modern trends. As soon as the borders opened, it rushed to Europe, and from there to America. Later she wrote from Chicago that she found true happiness in the person of some Bob. Attached his photo to the letter. I have been looking at it for a long time black face with a shiny, as if ebonite, bald head and could not understand what mother found in him. I categorically refused to recognize in this person my new stepfather. And my mother was gone. This, however, did not upset me. I focused on my own family. Vila nest, preparing herself to become a mother. Everything went well, only the mother-in-law annoyingly interfered with our idyll. No, no, yes, she expressed her opinion on how to live. Condemned my mother. She didn't leave us alone for a week. She even tried to go on vacation to the sea with us, which I resolutely stopped by giving my husband a tantrum with breaking dishes.
Now I am ashamed to remember how disgusting I behaved. How it dripped on her husband's brain that his mother was demanding the impossible. What's bugging me. Which, apparently, does not love me and wants to destroy our marriage.
Are you serious? he wondered. - It's on the other side of the country. We can rarely talk even on the phone with my mother because of the time difference. And to meet ... in general, it is not known when it will turn out.
But each meeting will be a real joy, not a duty, - I insisted.
My mother-in-law cried when we informed her of our decision to move. Expressed the hope that we are not for good. And if we are late, we will take her to our place, because in Moscow she has nothing to do without us. I didn’t object out loud, but I thought to myself that it was high time for her to get friends or find a man for herself so as not to become so attached to us. There is my mother, she lives without me. Why can't this one? Why is it clinging to us? Later, I did everything in my power to ensure that she did not fly to us often and did not stay for a long time. She, apparently, felt my attitude and completely stopped communicating with me after her son - my husband - died in a car accident. She didn't survive much of it herself. She died two years later due to a blood clot.
I was barely forty-three years old when I was left all alone with my twelve-year-old son. That's when it started to dawn on me how cruel and selfish I used to be. But I was able to fully realize my disgusting behavior later, when my son grew up and got married.
I did not like his chosen one from the first meeting. She behaved with me arrogantly. She immediately made it clear that she did not need my advice. In general, he expects to live separately and rarely see each other. Coming from a wealthy family, she was embarrassed by my simple appearance. She considered my borscht and cutlets a relic of the past. She ate herself and taught my son to vegetable soups and steamed fish. Keep track of calories and waist size. I drove my son to the gym, and when he visited me, I made sure that he didn’t try junk food once again, so that he wouldn’t fall under my dangerous influence.
I do not ask you to have dinner with me every evening or just sit next to me, - I was indignant. - But it's elementary to help move furniture or fix a broken one washing machine can?
Can you give me the master's phone number? The bride pursed her lips. Or can you find it in the handbook?
I watched her son take care of her well-being. He worked six days a week for ten or even twelve hours. She did not get a job, nurturing the image of a secular diva. Slow mornings, strict instructions to the housekeeper, spas and shops, fitness centers and cafes with girlfriends, dinner delivered from the restaurant - this is her schedule and range of interests. She was in no hurry to give birth, but when the girlfriends became pregnant one after another, she succumbed to the general mood.
I rejoiced to myself. I thought that now I would finally come in handy as a nanny, if they don’t want to see me in any other option. However, the daughter-in-law invited a professional teacher, and asked me not to interfere.
Love won't hurt, I told her.
First of all, you need to love yourself, ”she answered me instructively.
Everything inside me clenched with resentment. I tried to express my pain to my son.
Mom, don't be dramatic, - he wearily waved me off. - My wife does everything right.
She convinced him that paid services are better than his own grandmother. Grandmother can get sick, and then all plans will be violated. And the teacher is obliged by contract to find a worthy replacement for herself if something unexpected happens to her. It is difficult to demand exact fulfillment of parental wishes from a grandmother. In general, you will not speak strictly with her in front of a child, this is unpedagogical, and you can not stand on ceremony with an invited governess. Grandmother will have to be reckoned with, and the servants can be asked to leave at any moment and not loom before their eyes.
At least on a day off, can I take a walk with my grandson? I pleaded.
On the weekend, we walk ourselves, - the daughter-in-law immediately got into the conversation. - On weekdays, we do not get to be together with the whole family.
It will pour out to you in the future, - I could not restrain myself. - You will feel in your own skin what it is like when you are separated from your son and grandson.
How dare you curse! squealed the bride. - Old hag!
Did you hear that?! I turned around to my son.
Calm down, girls, - conciliatory he said. - Please!
At the same time, his face expressed wild weariness. And only for his sake I did not stir up a scandal. And I was also afraid that my daughter-in-law would completely erase me from their lives, declaring me a danger to society. And so she tried not to leave me alone with her grandson. Even when she became pregnant for the second time and gave birth to a girl.
With the advent of the third child, the daughter-in-law began to behave like a heroine mother. And more and more often she taunted me that I myself was to blame: I gave birth to only one son. If I had more children, there would not be such a problem as a lack of attention. Yes, and I would not actively seek attention. In my youth, I would have suffered with upbringing, and then I would not have been drawn to my grandchildren, I would have lived my life calmly. I listened to her and barely restrained myself. On the one hand, I wished her well-being, as the wife of my son and the mother of my grandchildren. On the other hand, she promised to experience the same mental pain that she herself experienced. And then she caught herself reminiscing about how unfair she had been to her own mother-in-law. I knew what I was being punished for. And one could forgive the unreasonable daughter-in-law. But I did not have enough and still do not have enough strength or wisdom for this. Even now, when my son repeated the fate of his grandfather and father and passed away early.
For me, his death from a heart attack was a terrible tragedy. The daughter-in-law also wept and lamented. She must have truly loved him. However, this did not prevent her from soon marrying a second time.
Only for the sake of the children,” she explained to me before leaving.
She moved with her children to Australia. After all, her new husband had emigrated there ten years ago. Of course, she didn't invite me. However, her husband now often calls me and inquires about my affairs. I don't know if my daughter-in-law knows, but he actually has been planning for me to move in with them for a long time, because he thinks that grandmothers should be close to their grandchildren. It touches me and makes me believe that I have already atoned for my guilt and that I can still be fine.
The woman who told me this story was undergoing treatment with me at the district hospital. We, the four inhabitants of the ward, were amazed by what we heard. I will tell this story as I heard it, in the first person. I won’t give names, surnames and addresses, I’m just afraid. But do not doubt the authenticity of this story.
“My husband and I were born and raised on the same street. I grew up a good girl: modest, hardworking. She graduated from school with a gold medal, entered the institute. And from that day on, I saw my future relatives almost every day. I didn’t get married until I was 30, but soon the wedding did take place.
When my son was a year old, my mother-in-law was admitted to the hospital. On the same day, with words of sympathy and consolation, I ran to her. She rushed to me with tears, began to hug me with unfeminine strength, squeezing my arms, neck, back, waist in turn, sobbing and wailing.
The next morning, I couldn't get out of bed. I lacked air, all the joints were pierced by pain, the temperature was over forty. The doctors could not alleviate my condition. Moreover, according to the results of the tests, they could not make the correct diagnosis. Mother-in-law, on the contrary, recovered and returned home.
My strength was running out when a close friend advised me to go to a familiar woman healer, fortunately she lived not far, in our region. A rather young woman met me, examined me, gave me tea. Then she said:
"Do not worry, it will be good. You got to me just in time. If you do as I say, we will defeat all enemies with you. When you get home, take your pillow and shake everything out of it. Do not go to bed until 12 o'clock, because at this time an important event for you will happen. Twice a day, drink the herbal infusion that I will give you. Now walk with God!"
At home, I immediately began to revise my pillow. In addition to fluff, it contained some pebbles and a black cross, knitted and twisted from ordinary black threads. A thousand knots of this craft should have brought me to my grave. Thinking, I fell asleep in front of the TV turned on.
Suddenly, at some point, she jumped up, remembering the order of the healer. It was twelve o'clock on the clock, and the image of the Archangel Michael in an old carved frame was frozen on the TV screen. Then everything was gone, and I woke up only in the morning. My mother and husband busied about me.
The clever sorceress did not deceive - the disease began to wane. Mom rejoiced and prayed for this kind woman after hearing my detailed story.
As for the icon, my mother remembered that her father, my grandfather Mikhail, blessed her with the same face, in the same setting. The search for this icon was crowned with success. My mother and I found her in an old house, from which the communists once expelled her parents as the most prosperous villagers. At first, the village council was located in it, then it was given to a large family, but thank God, people did not take everything out of the attic. Our icon lay dirty and dusty in a far corner, unharmed. Now Archangel Michael is standing in my house.
My mother-in-law died, but she gave her "gift" to her own niece - an unsightly, lopsided woman, who, having received a "testament", was completely transformed beyond recognition. Now this is a burly, sullen person, arrogant, malicious, with a withering look of black eyes.
At first, I could not get enough of my mother-in-law. She treated me like her own daughter - it seemed that I had found a second mother. But then her obsessive friendship and the desire to dispose of me began to annoy. By the way, my husband was on my side.
When I met Boris, I was in seventh heaven with happiness. Smart, handsome, intelligent guy, besides caring and gentle. Earned good money, holding the position of a leading manager in a prosperous construction company of his father.
Sometimes I even wondered why this wonderful young man paid attention to such a gray mouse as me. But, of course, she kept such thoughts to herself, did not voice them.
Our first timid dates gradually grew into a stormy, dizzying romance with grandiose plans for a future life together. And one day Borya invited me to his place to introduce me to his parents.
When I saw this house (no, not a house, but a house!), I opened my mouth in amazement and delight. The chic two-story mansion made an indelible impression.
Oh wow! she gasped, looking around at the huge, well-kept garden with perfectly trimmed bushes, the intricate milk-colored stucco molding on the walls and the luxurious front porch. The heavy, imposing door slowly opened, and a beautiful, slender woman in exquisite clothes appeared on the threshold of the house. She held out her slender hand, which was lightly tanned.
Hello, Nadenka, - said Boris's mother. - I'm Karina. Glad to meet you.
I hastily shut my mouth, afraid to blurt out something wrong and look like a naive fool, and vigorously shook the narrow palm.
“Wow, what a strong handshake,” she smiled. - Unusual for a girl ... You probably go in for sports?
- A little. Aerobics, fitness. Mostly to keep myself in shape, - she answered on the move.
This I, to put it mildly, lied to. I didn't have enough money to pay for classes. Therefore, the matter was limited to banal exercises in the morning and free running in the park.
Thank you, Karina nodded. - I would like to know as much as possible about you, - she turned to her son: - Borenka, take the guest to the house.
- Of course, - Borya grabbed my arm.
After a couple of minutes, I felt like Cinderella, for the first time in my life, entering the royal palace. After all, the future mother-in-law and daughter-in-law were from different worlds. My second-hand clothes were clearly not for such magnificence. I also did not differ in refined manners, unlike my lover and his parents.
And what manners can there be if my mother sells fruits and vegetables on the market, and my father was a simple worker at a factory (he died many years ago). Before the aristocrats, we are like heaven. Sitting on the edge of a chair, I fiddled with a handkerchief and talked inconsistently about my life.
Periodically, nausea rolled up in my throat, and I was on the verge of losing consciousness from tension and excitement,
- School ... School ... Work ... Nothing interesting ...
- That is, after school you did not enter the institute?
“No…” I squeezed out, feeling another bout of nausea. And then she chattered, explaining: - You see, I thought that I would definitely not enter the budget. And at the paid department to study - there is no money. What is mom's salary in the market? A penny ... Only allows you to make ends meet. So I'm working to collect for my studies.
Of all this, the only truth was that I was working. About the institute - a lie. In fact, until today, I didn’t think about further studies at all.
-Where do you work? Karina asked.
- In the shop. The seller, - she whispered, looking down. She was afraid to raise her head so as not to see the contemptuous look of her future mother-in-law. But contrary to my expectation, she suddenly threw up her hands and exclaimed, turning to her husband.
- You see, Gennady, what a smart Nadya! Independent, responsible! Not like these modern windy girls. They dress up in such a way that it’s scary to look ... All they know is that they run around nightclubs ...
"So I'm out of date? - worried. Is this a condemnation or an endorsement? Judging by the tone, it’s more of an approval, ”and, having come to this conclusion, breathed a sigh of relief.
After the introductory small talk, everyone went to the dining room. We dined at a long table covered with a snow-white, hand-embroidered tablecloth. Although they dined - this, of course, is a strong word. I didn't eat anything for fear of mixing up the cutlery.
She returned home only in the evening, thoughtful and silent.
Tell me how it went,” Mom demanded.
“Looks good,” she shrugged. - Borya's parents treated me kindly. Although I am against their background - a beggar, - she chuckled. - Their chickens do not peck money. There are already four cars in the garage, can you imagine?
- So what? Just think, cars ... Wealth is not the most important thing. If only you and Borey loved each other.
- Well, not the main thing ... - she drawled, not agreeing.
- Yes. Not important! - stood on his parent. - So your father and I were happy and without any millions.
- And with millions you would be even happier, - I could not resist, forged it.
- Nadia, do you really think so? she cackled like a mother hen. - Did I teach you this?
- Mom, yes, I was joking, calm down, - she waved her cheerfully.
Material wealth in our family has never been considered a special value. Despite the rather mundane profession of a salesperson, my mother lived in some special illusory world and constantly regaled me with beautiful phrases about the soul, kindness, selflessness and forgiveness.
- Interestingly, but Boris's parents did not express a desire to meet me? Mom asked.
- They did, but what about ... A solemn reception is scheduled for the next weekend in honor of our engagement with Borey. Naturally, you are also invited.
- Reception? Mom said. - Well, wow ... I have never been to any receptions in my life.
“Here you go,” I said.
In the middle of the week, the groom said that on Friday evening his mother wants to meet me.
“We were going to the cinema,” I reminded him.
"Let's go another time," he said nonchalantly.
I didn't like it too much. Still, she somehow tuned in to romance, to furtive kisses in the last row. He cancels a date to please his mom? But why?
- Bor, listen, maybe I'd better meet her on Thursday? suggested cautiously. I just have a free day...
Nadia, since my mother said on Friday, it means on Friday, ”Boris answered. - Are you upset? Do not pout…
- I'm not sulking, I just wanted to spend the evening with you.
- We still have so many evenings ahead of us - not to count - he pulled me to him, buried his nose in my hair, and I immediately melted, firmly pressed my cheek to his chest.
- Well, so, the sun, agreed?
- Yeah... By the way, what does your mother want from me? she asked.
- Yes, I really don’t know ... Like going to the store together.
- Why? I tilted my head back and looked into his face.
- As far as I understand, she is going to buy some new clothes and seems to want to consult with you.
- Wow! - rejoiced. "So she thinks I have good taste?" Cool! Does your mother dress in boutiques? Oh, there such things are chic, but expensive - horror.
- Nadyuha, - Borya rolled his eyes in pain, - I have no idea where my mother dresses. I'm not interested. Ask her yourself if you're concerned.
“I won’t ask her anything,” she twitched her shoulder, “otherwise she will decide that I’m a stupid motherfucker.”
Boris burst out laughing and jokingly poked me in the side.
- Well, you said - motherfucker. Have fun.
To be honest, I was very flattered that Karina decided to take me as an adviser, so all resentment against Borya immediately evaporated. After all, to establish a good relationship with his mother is now perhaps the most important task. It's nice, damn it, when the mother of a loved one considers you a friend, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law should make friends!
Oh what a Friday it was! Trips to expensive shops, where I didn’t even dare to look before. Helpful saleswomen to the point of impossibility, price tags, on which, as in that joke, either the cost is indicated, or the phone number. Karina opted for an elegant beige top with glittery gold thread. She turned in front of the mirror and said:
- I'll wear it to your engagement. And on my neck I just eat a suitable necklace made of white gold. What do you say?
- I will say that you will be the most beautiful, - I gave a compliment.
- You must be the most beautiful, my dear. It's your holiday.
I sighed, thinking that I was unlikely to look decent in my only dress-out suit, bought at a sale last year. Coming out of the fitting room, Karina casually slipped a top to the saleswoman who had just flown up.
- I'll take this thing.
I moved to the checkout, but the future mother-in-law called out to me: "Let's see again."
She stopped her attention on a dark dress with original sleeves. Simple but very cute.
- What do you think? she asked me. - In my opinion, nothing.
"Cute," I nodded.
In fact, the dress seemed a little gloomy to me, probably because of the color, but Karina did not dare to argue. “Come on, try it on,” she said in a commanding tone.
- I?! But why? She even rolled her eyes in surprise.
I want to see how it looks from the outside.
- You see, we have different figures, so you shouldn't be guided ... - I began to babble.
- To the dressing room! - issued Karina indisputably. I had to obey. Not to say that the dress was bad, just not quite my taste.
Excellent! We take.
- Just like that? And you don't even measure it?
- Not necessary.
- And if it doesn't sit well on you?
- It doesn't matter. I'm not going to wear it.
I blinked in confusion.
You will wear this dress to the engagement, she said.
- What? - hastened. “But I…I…didn’t think…”
- There is nothing to think about.
- But this dress costs more than my monthly salary.
- No matter. I buy it. Because I want you to look great at the reception.
Instead of protesting and admitting that I didn’t like the dress, I profusely expressed gratitude, remembering that my mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are now, as it were, members of the same family. Then we taxied to a small restaurant "to have a bite". I only wanted to order a cup of coffee for myself, but Karina said that it was unhealthy and took us a glass of freshly squeezed juice. When I saw how much it costs, I already felt sick. But the future mother-in-law paid the bill, so I decided not to bother.
In general, as far as I understood, she was obsessed with the idea of \u200b\u200bhealthy eating.
- No meat, only fish! She is very helpful! - Karina spoke convincingly. - And also different salads with olive oil. This is my usual menu.
I almost blurted out that I love pork chops and chicken wings, but I pulled myself back just in time.
- Do you support my views?
- Entirely and completely, - I obsequiously smiled.
There was no reason to upset Borya's mother.
Good! I hope you and I will re-educate our men by joint efforts, - she winked.
- In what sense? - I did not understand.
- In direct. My husband and son still cannot understand that a person is, in fact, what he eats. Throw any garbage into themselves, swallow what they have to. I'm tired of fighting this! - she is
rolled her eyes. - And now I have a unicorn. Together we are strength.
- Yeah, strength, that's for sure, assented out of politeness.
Then Karina began to talk about miraculous enemas, and I almost vomited the priceless juice. But I restrained myself and only nodded so as not to offend my boyfriend's mother. It was very important for me to win her sympathy.
The reception in honor of my engagement with Borey went great (except for the fact that the tables were full of useful "nasty stuff"). Karina did not leave me a single step, introduced me to all the guests, chirped tirelessly, extolling my virtues to the skies. I will not lie, I was pleased.
The only thing is that I felt uncomfortable in the new dress (well, I don’t like such dark colors!), but otherwise everything went more than fine. I didn’t even notice that my mother stood modestly on the sidelines all evening, not talking to anyone.
And the next day, sharing with Mommy the most intimate in our little kitchen, I happily tweeted:
- Borya's parents promised to give us an apartment for the wedding! God, I can't believe this is possible!
- Isn't it too expensive a gift? Mom said.
- Ma, if they can afford it, why not?
- Well, I don’t know ... It seems to me, Nadyusha, that this is too much ...
- Oh, stop it, mommy, - I waved it off. - And after painting, Boris and I will go on a honeymoon trip. Do you know where? Guess! At least try!
- I have no idea. Maybe to Turkey? Or to Egypt?
- No, no and NO! A week in Italy… - I spread my arms dreamily. - And a week in Paris! It's like a fairytale!
- The main thing is that the fairy tale does not end quickly.
- It won't end. Karina said that we are going to Paris Fashion Week. Let's go to the shows.
"Wait," Mom frowned. - And what side was your precious Karina?
"She's coming with us," I said.
- Seriously? Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law? On your honeymoon?! Oh well…
To be honest, I was shocked myself when I heard this news. But Karina gave strong arguments: they say, in no case should you miss the opportunity to visit a high fashion show. And with whom to go there, if not with her?
- Mom, I don't understand what you don't like. Let him go. Borya and I will stay in the honeymoon suite, and she will stay in the next one. What problems?
- Yes, none. If that doesn't bother you...
- I'm embarrassed by your decadent mood! The daughter is getting married, and you don’t see something on your face of joy.
The preparations for the wedding turned out to be no less grandiose than the celebration itself. Borina's parents covered all expenses. My mother contributed all her savings, but they were just a drop in the ocean.
Feeling obligated, I tried not to argue with Karina. She agreed to the outfit that she liked. She allowed herself to be persuaded to wear a hat with a veil, although she always dreamed of a long white veil. The future mother-in-law even went with us to choose wedding rings!
My mother looked at the current state of affairs with bewilderment, bordering on discontent.
- Nadia, you always had your own opinion on any occasion, stop being led by Karina!
Deep down, of course, I agreed with her. But she did not say it out loud, but pretended to be contented and happy.
Stop turning me against my mother-in-law! - told my mother. - I will have the wedding I dreamed of!
- You will have a wedding that Borin's mother dreamed about.
In general, that is exactly what happened. But I was not upset, I understood that in any case, Karina was making every effort, and for the sake of me and Borya.
“This is just a wedding,” she repeated to herself. Let him do as he pleases, I don't care. Then everything will be different.”
I returned from my honeymoon, exhausted by the constant presence of my mother-in-law. For the first time there were thoughts that it was time to put an end to her obsessive friendship.
- Now let's buy an apartment! - the mother-in-law solemnly announced and the daughter-in-law, that is, I, became dumb. What area would you like?
“Oh, I don’t even know,” she said, confused. - The main thing is that the apartment is warm and comfortable. Well, we don’t need a big one, there’s no need!
-What do you mean "do not need a big one"?! - She was indignant. - And when the children go, where will they play? I think it is necessary to have at least four rooms, and even better - five.
- But why so many?
Don't argue, I know better. From tomorrow we will start going to the screenings. I already called the realtor.
- I can't do it tomorrow. Except in the evening. My vacation is over, it's time to go to work.
- What job?! In the shop? Haven't quit yet?
Why should I quit?
- Still not enough to disgrace our family and stand behind the counter! And then, Borechka is able to support his family. Am I right, Boris? After all, am I right?
"Of course you're right, mommy!" He put his arm around his mother's shoulders.
And I went to them again. She obediently wrote a statement of her own free will.
Despite the fact that we went together to choose housing, Karina was not particularly interested in my opinion. She focused solely on her own taste. And, of course, I didn’t argue again.
Is it possible to express dissatisfaction if you are presented with such an expensive gift? In addition, I received an envelope with a certain amount "for furniture and knick-knacks." I have never held such money in my hands ...
But my life, under the strict guidance of my mother-in-law, changed dramatically. Pleasing my mother-in-law and my daughter-in-law began to dance to her tune ... We cooked healthy dishes together with her (and I wanted fried potatoes!), We drank freshly squeezed juice in the mornings (I just died without coffee!) , regularly visited a hairdresser and a cosmetic bag (because her son’s wife should look good), went shopping (but they were not allowed to meet with friends, it’s “a pity to waste time on this”).
The most terrible were the evenings: I, my husband, father-in-law and mother-in-law went to a restaurant, then to some kind of reception. I already forgot when I spent time together with Borya!
I was in a rebellious mood. Of course, if you look from the outside, everything seems to be in chocolate, there is nothing to complain about. But in fact, I was ready to explode and ruin my relationship with Borya's mother.
You are a real treasure, - repeated Karina, which immediately disarmed me. - Sweet, obedient, cute. I'm glad Borenka is so lucky.
“How will you sing if I stop giving in and start defending my point of view?” I thought more and more. One day my mother-in-law gave me a book about cleansing the body. And after a couple of days she asked: “Have you read it?”
“Well, of course,” I lied. - Very informative.
- In that case, we will hold a joint fasting. I did not expect such a turn.
"It's not for me," she retorted softly. - The mere thought of an empty stomach causes cramps.
The smile on her face instantly faded.
"I just don't have the willpower," I added.
- I will follow you, - the mother-in-law did not give up.
- No, really, I can not cope with such a test.
“Well then,” she stood up. - If you don't want to be healthy, that's your business. Even though I thought you were smarter….
When my mother-in-law came out, I felt remorse. At least run after her, apologize and agree to this crazy idea with starvation. But I didn't run. How much can you pretend to be a complaisant tyutyu-matyutya?
And the last straw that overflowed the cup of my patience was inquiries about our intimate life with Borey.
I have long wanted to ask you, - one day Karina began without a trace of embarrassment. - Are you protected? We are talking about contraception, - she explained, seeing my elongated physiognomy. - I have often thought about this lately and decided that it is still too early for you to have a baby.
- Well ... - I hesitated. We haven't talked about children yet.
- Correctly! Enjoy youth and freedom. The whole world is open before you. I have always loved traveling, now we can travel as a four. Because with Gennady on trips you can die of longing.
I was dumbfounded. I've had enough of my honeymoon in the company of my mother-in-law! She doesn't understand what's stopping her?
To seek salvation, I went to my mother,
What should I do? she asked. She already got me! It seems that she wants the best, but this kindness of her is in her throat. And you can't argue, you know? I can barely contain myself.
- And what does Borya say about this? Mom asked.
- Nothing! He is at work all day long. I mostly have to communicate with his mother.
- You can go back to work too.
But I have enough money...
- And you do not go to work because of money, but to feel like a person, and not just a beautiful doll. Well, you will see your mother-in-law less often.
I can’t imagine what she will say if I mention work, - she grimaced, as if from a toothache.
“Nadya, this is your life, not hers,” my mother reminded me. “Sometimes I get the impression that you are married to Karina, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are a married couple,” she joked.
“You know, me too,” she mumbled back. Of course, my barely audible squeak about going to work was drowned in the quiet (upbringing does not allow screaming), but the murderous anger of my mother-in-law.
What, you have nothing to do?! she hissed, turning white. - Look, the apartment is half empty, the furniture has not yet been bought, who should build a family nest?
"I'll twist," she agreed hastily.
- Here you go. I could help you, but we're just organizing a class reunion, so I'll be busy.
"It's okay," I barely concealed my joy. I can handle it myself, I assure you! - After a short pause, I timidly, but quite firmly said: - And when I finish with the arrangement of the apartment, I will immediately return to work.
Let's see, - the mother-in-law said evasively. - Anything happens in life. You don't know what will happen tomorrow...
The next week I devoted to furniture stores. The prices were just crazy. But since I did not need to save, I very quickly bought everything that I liked. And the apartment finally turned into a real cozy family nest.
Nadya, I love it so much! - admired Borya.
But Karina did not approve of the new furniture, to put it mildly.
"I don't know how you could choose that color." She shook her head. - Dark as a cellar.
- This is intimate, - Borya joked to defuse the situation.
- Intimacy should be in the bedroom. What's with the creepy buffet in the kitchen? Antique, right? This is no longer fashionable!
- I did not chase fashion - I broke out - I bought what I liked. This is our home.
“The house is yours, but the money is ours,” said the mother-in-law coldly. And I had to bite my tongue.
The next morning I called my former boss to see if she would take me back. Fortunately, it turned out that there is a vacancy. I didn't have time to hang up when the phone rang.
- Nadia? I booked you and me for a manicure for twelve, - said the mother-in-law.
- Unfortunately, it won't work. I'm going back to work.
“Hope,” Karina said. - Don't do stupid things. You're not going to stand behind the counter and serve customers, are you? If you feel like working, I'll tell my husband to take you to his construction company.
But I don't know about construction.
- So what? But you will be under the supervision of both Gennady and Borenka. And we'll give you a good salary.
“I don’t need to “put” anything! I mentally exploded. “And I can make money myself!”
I think a husband and wife cannot work together. Professional activity should not be mixed with personal, otherwise the company's affairs will be discussed at home, - she said into the phone.
- Nonsense! Karina snapped. - These are just ridiculous inventions!
In order not to lead to a conflict, I tried to joke:
- I do not want Boris to command me.
It seemed to me that I expressed my opinion clearly and clearly, so I was very surprised when a day later my husband asked:
- Have you really decided to work in our company?
- What? Why do you think so? I instantly tensed up.
"Mom said," he pulled me towards him. - This is good. I so rarely see you, even though we will be together more often.
- You think? leaned against her shoulder.
- Well, of course. In addition, I trust you, I know that you will not let you down.
“I don’t know what to say,” she thought about his words.
- You don't have to say anything. The father is also in favor.
Have you already discussed this with him? Even without my consent? What if I refuse?
“But your mother said you want to work.
- I want ... But ... Everything turned out like this ... Unexpectedly ...
- In short, if you decide, tomorrow at eight rise.
Once again, I compromised. But as soon as she got up to speed, she discovered that ... she was pregnant!
- Borya, we will have a child, - she said to her husband.
- Super! he yelled in delight. - I'll be a father!
Borya's parents were also delighted. Even my mother-in-law, although earlier she strongly advised me to postpone motherhood.
“Don't worry about anything,” she said. - We'll help you. Tomorrow I will book you in for a consultation with my gynecologist.
But I've already been to the doctor. in our local clinic.
- In a free consultation? Do you want to save money on a child? I can afford to find the best doctor for my sister-in-law and grandson.
I had to agree. Why ruin the relationship if the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are happy with the expectation of the baby. Karina accompanied me every time I visited the gynecologist. Didn't listen to any objections. She said that caring for her grandson is her main duty. She also insisted that I leave work without waiting for the decree. I didn’t even imagine that I would again find myself in captivity of good intentions.
But now she had a weighty argument - her grandson, his health, and I reluctantly obeyed the whims of my mother-in-law. A month before Borina's expected birth, her parents brought a bright blue stroller.
- Most expensive! Karina boasted.
Gritting my teeth, I did not admit that I had looked after another for a long time. My mother-in-law interpreted my expression in her own way:
- I know that buying in advance is a bad omen, but we modern people do not suffer from superstition.
“Still, I ask you not to buy anything else until the baby is born,” I said as calmly as possible.
- Let's see ... - the mother-in-law replied nonchalantly.
My request was blatantly ignored. Even before the birth, the closet was filled with children's things.
- In the maternity hospital, I agreed with everyone, - said Karina. - Paid, of course, a lot, but nothing is a pity for the grandson. Childbirth passed without any complications. In due time, I gave birth to a healthy toddler weighing four kilograms. I was discharged soon after.
We were met at home by… Karina.
Woo-hoo, she cooed. - What a handsome man! A copy of Boryusechka in childhood. Oh, you are my sunshine, my Bogdanchik.
I looked pointedly at my husband.
- Mom, what Bogdanchik? - he correctly understood my point of view.
We have already chosen a name.
- What do you mean chosen? And they didn't consult me?
“Mom, but actually we are the parents,” Borya remarked.
- And I'm a grandmother! - retorted the mother-in-law.
- Yes. Your grandson's name is Nicholas.
- Are you out of your mind? Name Vasya!
I fought the mad urge to send her away. But my beloved husband kept himself in hand.
- Nikolai - very original and extraordinary. You can call him in the French manner - Nicolas.
This version of the mother-in-law liked.
Nicolas, - she tried the sound. - Not bad.
"That's good," Boris nodded. - And everyone is happy.
We have won a small victory. But ... My mother-in-law decided that I was too young and inexperienced, and often visited us.
- Nicolas, look, what a rattle, - she sang, bending over by the bed. - Will you go to your grandmother's hands?
“He’ll get used to his hands, he’ll be spoiled,” I remarked.
- Let him get used to it. That's what grandma is for pampering. I endured, counting to myself up to a hundred, so as not to break loose.
- And now we are redeeming our boy, because mommy is still weak. Yes? Yes? she whispered.
- I can handle it myself.
- Rest, my dear, I'll take care of everything.
My irritation was about to explode, so I mustered up the strength for a serious conversation.
You see, Karina, the thing is... - I began hesitantly. You are overprotective of us. I would prefer that you warn me in advance about your visits, - she blurted out sore.
- Am I interfering?
“No, God, of course not,” she stammered. - But I would like to somehow put things in order, tidy up the apartment, and not accept you in such a mess, - she turned away.
- Thank God, you raised this topic yourself, - she started up. - My opinion is that it is necessary to hire a housekeeper.
- Well, yes, only this was not enough for us! I exclaimed.
- And what? All my friends have housekeepers. And Alevtina cleans my house twice a week.
I can take care of the house myself!
Yes? - She defiantly looked around. “It only seems to you, dear. Tomorrow I will send Alevtina to you.
- And let's call the cook, - I mocked.
- Chef? - mother-in-law took my words at face value. - No problem. I'll talk to my friends, maybe they will advise ...
- Karina, I was joking!
- My dear, in every joke, you know ... - she remarked thoughtfully. And already at the door, throwing a fur stole over her shoulders, she said: - And you also need to find a good nanny. I looked into her eyes, hoping it was humor. But, alas...
- Housekeeper, cook, nanny ... - I listed. - It remains to hire a woman who will perform marital duties instead of me.
- Nadya, - Karina pursed her lips, - aren't you ashamed? I try, and you are always dissatisfied with everything. And this is instead of gratitude!
- I am very grateful to you, really! But why hire all these aunts? What will I do in this case?
“At least you’ll start looking after yourself,” she gave me an arrogant look. - A woman should always look great. And you? Look at you... Motherhood is motherhood, but sweatpants stretched across the knees, those T-shirts with stains... Phew!
So I've never been humiliated before. Yes, the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law looked different ...
Do not be offended, my dear, but think about what I told you, - she finally threw.
Resentment spilled angry tears. As if sensing my mood, Kolenka woke up and cried. I reassured my son, fed him, changed his diaper, wrapped the child in a warm blanket and ... went to complain to my mother. She listened to my lamentations, thought and said:
You're like Don Quixote - fighting windmills.
- You mean it's useless? I myself understand this. But I don't know what to do.
- Talk to your husband. He probably doesn't know what's going on.
- I don't know, - I agreed. - I try not to burden him with my domestic problems.
- These are not your personal problems, but your general ones. Therefore, my advice to you is to enlist the support of Boris. Or at least find out what he thinks about it. Maybe he's on his mother's side.
But my husband decided to support my point of view.
- Nadyushka, I also don’t really like that my mother dictates her conditions to us and gives valuable instructions. But I kept quiet, I thought everything suits you.
- Not satisfied!
- So, we will build our family as we see fit. Do you want a housekeeper? Well, it is not necessary! On Saturday I'll be at home and help clean up. And it's okay if you don't have time to cook dinner. I understand everything, Kolya needs attention. I'll come home from work, I'll make something myself, it's not hard for me.
“Bor, I love you so much,” she hugged her husband.
When she found out that I was refusing hired workers against her will, my mother-in-law was offended and did not communicate with me for two whole weeks. I didn't even visit my grandson. She did not know that I had made another landmark decision - to go to work. I discussed this with Borya, explained that I want to communicate with people, somehow develop.
"I don't mind," said the husband. - But what about Kolya? AT Kindergarten It's probably too early to give it up.
- Yes, what kind of kindergarten, the child is still small.
“Then we need to find a way out.”
“I already figured it out,” she said in a boastful tone.
- Seriously? Enlighten. Probably stopped at the nanny?
"Nope," she smiled brightly. - I'll try to negotiate with my mother, she just retired. I will take Kolenka to her in the morning, and pick her up in the evening.
- And there is no desire to connect my mother?
- Yours? she repeated, surprised. - I didn't even think about that. But it's worth a try.
My mother was overjoyed when I said that I was going to entrust my grandson to her.
- What happiness! she threw up her hands. - Nagy, yes, I'm ready to sit with him on the weekend!
“Only if my husband and I feel the urge to retire for a romantic weekend,” I giggled.
- Retire as much as you want! Mom exclaimed.
- In fact, I still need to talk with Karina. You see, she is exactly the same grandmother as you. And he also wants to look after his grandson.
- It's clear. I'm being crossed out, - my mother smiled bitterly.
- Nothing like this. I'll just find out what she thinks about this, and, most likely, Nikolai will be with you for a week, and with Karina for another week. So that no one gets offended. And then we only lacked the war of grandmothers because of our beloved grandson.
But the mother-in-law, after listening to me, became furious, immediately realizing that everything was being started so that I could go to work.
- What job if you do not have enough time for a hairdresser?
- Karina, let me decide for myself ...
- Decide! To health! How many will fit! - she screamed like a market aunt, where only all the gloss had gone. “But remember, we won’t help you with anything!” We won't give you a dime! So know! She got to work!
She was indignant until the heavy front door slammed shut behind Kolya and me.
Now, in my perception, this chic oak door has become a kind of symbol. All the past was left behind her, there, in the past. And ahead of me is a new happy life!
I did go to work. My mother-in-law declared a cold war on me. The father-in-law whispered in secret: "Don't worry, she'll go crazy." I smiled. But the smile wasn't very cheerful. It is unpleasant when there is conflict in the family.
It's been a couple of weeks. And yesterday, my mother took the word from me to be silent (at least for the time being) and shared a secret:
- Today Karina came. She misses her grandson. Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law should be friends!
I instantly felt better - as if a heavy stone had fallen from my soul. I realized that very soon everything will settle down, and no one will be offended by anyone.
Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law - a story from life
2015, . All rights reserved.
I got married when I was pregnant. My husband did not know about my situation. I wanted to tell him, but I didn't dare.
The mother-in-law of the grandson disliked immediately. She seemed to feel that Senya had nothing to do with their family. She assured my husband that Senya was not his son, but my husband did not listen to the opinion of his mother. She did not immediately accept me, so there was nothing surprising in her words.
I know I should have told my husband the truth right away. But I was afraid. I have no relatives, no home. The guy, the father of the child, left me even before I found out about the pregnancy. What would we live on? How would I be alone with a child in my arms, in a rented apartment? So I responded favorably to Dmitry, who had long been in love with me.
Sofya Alekseevna, seeing me for the first time, grimaced. She looked me up and down and contemptuously said to Dima, nodding in my direction:
- And what, there was no one better?
Her dislike was visible from a mile away. My husband was on my side, so I was not particularly worried about the attitude of my mother-in-law towards me.
Father-in-laws are quite wealthy people. The husband works for his father. My husband and I lived in the apartment of the father-in-law on the money of the father-in-law. But apart from them.
Two years ago I gave birth to my second son, from my husband. And Sofya Alekseevna immediately smelled her own blood. Gifts were given only to the youngest child, educational toys and entertainment - also only for the youngest. The mother-in-law could take her beloved grandson to her for a few days. The eldest son, looking at this division, began to behave ugly.
Recently, my family and I were visiting our mother-in-laws. As usual, all attention was paid to the youngest. The elder, so that at least someone could look at him, found a lighter on his mother-in-law's balcony and set fire to the papers on her dressing table.
We all ran to the source of the smoke. The father-in-law threw a blanket over the table, there was no fire. But there was a huge burned mark on the dressing table.
My mother-in-law billed me and my husband for the table. By my standards - an astronomical amount of 60 thousand rubles. I left with a scandal - is my son to blame for the fact that the mother-in-law has lighters at home so accessible from children? And in general, if I had paid attention to both grandchildren, none of this would have happened.
The husband agreed to pay. I thought he would repay the debt in money. But Sofya Alekseevna offered to replace the debt of 60 thousand with two paternity tests - for both grandchildren. My husband decided to save money - in our city one test costs 9900.
I thought my husband would understand. He raised his eldest son for almost 7 years, he also became attached to the boy. But no. The husband, in an ultimatum form, demanded that there should not be a strange child in his house. Well, how can a child whose husband gets up at night be a stranger? With whom did you play ball, for which you worried during illnesses?
I refused. And what mother can give away one of the children just because dad changed his mind about being a dad? Then the husband packed his things and left, saying that he would go to court with an application for divorce, the appointment of alimony for the youngest son and the removal of paternity from him for the eldest.
With the departure of my husband, I even sighed a little more freely. Less household chores, more time for children. The surprise was the visit of Sofia Alekseevna. She went into her own home, opening the door with her key. I immediately began to kick her out, asking, with tears in my eyes:
Did you get what you wanted? Have I been a bad wife to your son? Get out, there's nothing for you to do here!
In response, she laughed. She told me to get out of her apartment.
- But Dima left the apartment to me! I was outraged.
- Now, if Dima had his own housing, he could dispose of it at his own discretion. You won't live in my apartment! You have a week!
She left. And I sit and cry. Still worse than when I got pregnant the first time. Then I could have an abortion and live on. Or to give birth and understand one child - I had a job then. And now I have to stumble somewhere with two children. I don’t have a job, my husband took the jewelry that I could sell when he left.
I don't understand these people - how is it possible, because of a small mistake made by me in the past, to drive children out into the street? What are they guilty of?
My husband also sang differently, I'm sure - at the suggestion of his mother. Now Dima wants to take my youngest son away from me and his mother will raise my child!
I don't know what to do and how to be. The girlfriend advised to invite Dima to a conversation, during the conversation, shout loudly several times “Dima, don’t!”, So that the neighbors could hear and be witnesses.
And, as soon as he leaves, bruise himself and write a statement on him. Like, he won’t sue the child either, and you can demand money from the mother-in-law for me to withdraw the application. I probably will.
From the author. The girl who told me about her problems did not arouse a single drop of sympathy. I did not want to publish this text - I am disgusted myself. But I felt very sorry for the people who met on the life path of this girl, and I tried to contact Sofya Alekseevna in order to warn her family about possible problems with the heroine of this story.
Unfortunately, Sofya Alekseevna refused to talk to me. Perhaps she will read this article, recognize her daughter-in-law and save her son from problems.
Some half a century ago, it was considered normal to call the mother-in-law mom, move to her house and listen to her advice with an open mouth. Today, young couples are trying to disperse, but sometimes even the distance cannot stop the mother-in-law from interfering in life. new family. We spoke with Belarusians who had different relationships with their mothers-in-law.
My mother-in-law immediately told me that she would divorce us. I don’t know why I didn’t please her, but she firmly held my husband under her heel.
We lived at her house in a separate room: her husband and my husband had just not brought slippers in her teeth. I didn’t just try to help with the housework, but really pulled everything: I cooked for everyone, cleaned my apartment, and my mother-in-law came home from work and “fell” from fatigue into a chair watching TV.
And this despite the fact that I also worked! I tried my best to make friends with her, to agree, but she was always dissatisfied with everything! And the most unpleasant thing is that she very easily managed to brainwash her son.
No matter how much I tried to persuade my husband to rent an apartment or move in with my parents, he was categorically against it. Now I understand that “categorically against” is not about him, he just did not want to change anything, he was comfortable there, and my problems did not bother him.
When I gave birth to a child, my husband did not even come to the hospital! As is the mother-in-law, of course. Then I went straight from the hospital to my parents. So we lived for some time apart, my husband did not call and did not look for meetings with the child. A few months later we met to discuss what to do next. What's the point of marriage if we don't even call each other? He invited me to move in with him again. I decided to give him another chance.
And he, of course, did not justify this chance. I don't remember how this fight started. But my mother-in-law showed the door to me and my seven-month-old baby at 9 pm! I could not stand the fact that I was saving up in myself all these few months that I lived with her under the same roof. And I started to collect things.
My husband didn't say a word! The father-in-law looked sympathetically at everything that was happening, but also did not dare to intervene. I called a taxi and left once and for all.
Now already ex-husband is not interested in the life of our child in any way: I don’t even post photos on social networks. He doesn't want to know us, so he doesn't need to. I remarried, gave birth again. My second husband is a wonderful father to both children and we are all very happy!
It’s good that the mother-in-law lives far away, otherwise she would “lose” her son. After all, my husband was always on my side, although he suffered from the fact that my mother was offended.
All the whims both on my part and on the part of my mother-in-law passed through my husband, because we never openly expressed anything to each other.
This is what pissed me off: she always tried to impose her opinion, to give advice that we did not ask for, and was offended that we did not listen to her. For example, the mother-in-law asks what clothes to buy for her grandson. If we refuse, she is offended that her help is not needed.
Then, in order not to offend her, her husband offers her to give us money so that we can buy it ourselves. She gets angry again. Then she will take it without asking, she will buy something and bring it. And I like it - I don’t like it, I have to wear it so as not to offend my mother.
Or he will come to visit and begin to “put things in order” and indicate what is better to put where. And endless advice on how to raise children, how to treat folk remedies etc.!
Of course, when advice was needed, we asked, but when not, and we are so insistently offered, it's annoying. And I wanted to refuse as gently as possible, because she has a sick heart. But over the years, my mother-in-law understood everything and began to poke her nose into our lives much less often, and I began to take it easier.
It all started from the wedding itself, when my mother-in-law not only did not give a gift, but even congratulated us with words.
But I still tried to please my mother-in-law. I came to the village to help with the housework: I milked a cow, weeded vegetable gardens, etc. My husband helped my mother financially build a house. And when we had a disabled child, she didn’t even come, she just called and said:
As God wills: he will survive, so he will survive, but he will die, so he will die.
The son was born without an esophagus. Behind the long years of hospitals, sanatoriums, rehabilitation. Fortunately, we managed - the esophagus was made from the tissues surrounding the lungs. It took us a lot of effort and money for such a result.
The mother-in-law turned her husband against me, claimed that it was my fault that such a child was born. Okay, she didn't accept me, but she didn't even visit her grandson in hospitals.
Photo source: calendar2017.ru
No one made a bet on my son, but I lived only for him, I took care of him. He was already reciting poetry at the age of 2! I wanted to prove to everyone that he is the best. I spent years in hospitals, during which time my mother-in-law never even crossed the threshold. My husband worked almost around the clock to pay for surgeries and rehabilitation.
Now my son is already 13 years old, he became a healthy child, and my mother-in-law ceased to exist for me as a person. Over the years, she did not take place as a grandmother, it's like a stranger. Now she is seriously ill, I have forgiven, but I have not forgotten anything.
My husband has a younger brother, his mother-in-law wrote everything to him - an apartment, a house, for all the time she did not give us a penny. It's good that I was lucky with my husband: he worked, worked, worked ... And we saved our son!
Therefore, I advise all my friends: if the mother-in-law brings gifts to her grandchildren, take care of her!
I have a non-standard situation: I have a good relationship with my mother-in-law. First, the mother-in-law lives in another city. Secondly, she is a very simple woman: she does not bother over trifles and does not climb into the soul.
I can talk to her for an hour or more. And even if she doesn’t like something, she speaks out very delicately, she doesn’t get into the family. He can advise something, but only in the form of advice, not a recommendation, not an order. Always helps, goes forward.
Recently, I had to go to procedures with my daughter, and my son fell ill. We called the mother-in-law, they said that we would bring our grandson. No problem!
The son stayed there for 2.5 weeks, the mother-in-law found an approach to him. The only thing is that after the grandmother, the son arrived whiny, so helpless: “I can’t put on a sock!”, “I can’t brush my teeth!” ... It’s immediately obvious that the grandmother encouraged this somewhere.
I even think it would be great to take my mother-in-law with me on vacation to break out on some excursion with my husband, for a romantic dinner and a walk under the moon. It's easy for me to be with her. Of course, an important factor is that we live in different cities.
Olga Davletbaeva
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